We've Turned Into "Those People"

Friday morning I told Dan that I was thinking about going to a friend's bottle exchange that evening. He asked what it was, something where Mom's bring their bottles and nipples and exchange them as the kids get older and need a different flow. That literally made me laugh out loud. We've turned into "those people;" people whose lives revovle around their child and who put everything into the perspective of said child. I wouldn't have it any other way though. And in case you're wondering, I got a very nice pinot noir from Coppola's vineyard out of the bottle exchange. I'm thinking about popping it open soon!

I also had a funny "those people" moment this morning. It was 8 am, Nate was fed and Dan was hanging with him while I showered and got ready for our monthly New Moms and Dads get together. I turned some dance music on and was dancing while doing my make up. I laughed at the thought that I used to do that late at night while getting ready to go out and now I was doing it at 8 am. Another laugh out loud moment.

At Nate's 6 month appointment we found out that he's almost 21 pounds and in the 90th percentile for height and weight. He didn't get shots because he was still sick with the croup virus so I have to take him in this week or next. He's just started to seem like he's feeling pretty good so I'm either going to wait until the end of this week or even into next week. He will get the flu shot, which I'm dreading. My neighbor said that her daughter was projectile vomitting for two days afterward and I know I felt worse than usual after the shot this year. Otherwise the doctor said everything looks great. He's right on track developmentally and besides the cold, he's in good health.

We also found out that we should start giving him water to help build up the flouride in his teeth. I bought some sippy cups and already had small plastic cups. After a couple attempts at getting him to use the sippy cup, I decided to try the regular cup; he likes it far more and really only likes to chew on the sippy cup and bang it around. He enjoys water more than I would have thought and sometimes drinks quite a bit. He still likes sweet potatoes and butternut squash the most but also enjoys peas, pears, apples, bananas, pumpkin, and carrots. I haven't attempted green beans again after the two attempts that kept him up all night and there aren't many more green veggies that are easy to digest so I'm going to wait a bit before introducing more of those. I think we will do peaches next, from frozen since they aren't in season, and I also have a jar of pear/mango blend so we'll try that in the next few days. The only thing I've fed him that he hasn't been the most fond of is avocado. He'll take a few bites and then won't eat more but when offered something else at the same sitting, he will continue eating. I've tried twice and am determined to keep trying because I want the "likes avocado score" to go to 2-1 in this house, in my favor. Terrible, I know!

I'm off for two weeks and a day and am looking forward to seeing lots of people and spending tons of time with Nate. I didn't plan anything for tomorrow so that I could soak up the day with Nate time. Tuesday we are going to Mommy/Baby yoga with some of the Moms from my group and then having lunch with Danielle at the Spectrum. I might get the last of my Christmas shopping done there if Nate is up for it. Oh, that just reminded me: he sat in a grocery cart for the first time today. I usually take him to Trader Joe's in the Bjorn but he's getting so heavy that I won't be able to do that for long. I tested out the cover that we have for the cart and Nate sat in it really well. He's definitely getting more sturdy with sitting. He's also rolling over more. Last weekend he rolled from his back to his front and then back twice and he's done it a couple times since then. Today at the group get together he rolled over and bonked his cheek on his rattle really hard. I didn't see it but knew something had happened because he started crying, which is a very rare occurence, and then his cheek turned bright pink, but it went away with no bruise.

Anyway, back to my week. Wednesday Nate is going to daycare for the Christmas party and so that I can get some things done. I won't keep him there long mainly because I don't want to pump more than once that day. I can take him along with me pretty much anywhere so it's really more about him going to the party. Thursday we are having lunch with my old friend from middle school, Lisa, who's in town for a few days for Christmas. And Friday I'm dropping Nate at my Mom's so that I can get a haircut and then we're having lunch over there with Camille. Topping off the week with lots of family time: dinner at my Mom's for Christmas Eve and spending the day at my Dad's for Christmas. I miss being able to casually hang out with my family and chat so I'm hoping to get some of that this weekend. As Nate gets older I think taht's going to be easier. I have a lot that I want to get done this week in between all of the lunch dates but being around people is far more important to me.

I'm not sure if I'll post before Christmas so if I don't, I hope everybody has a happy holiday and gets to spend time with loved ones! I'm hoping to load some pictures and post them this week but we'll see.

Merry Christmas

CROUP

Just checking in really quickly before heading to bed. I took Nate to the doctor on Thursday because he just wasn't sounding right and he was congested. The doctor sent us home saying he was just sick, lungs were clear. He continued to sound different and developed a barking cough that night. I knew I had heard of that as a symptom, looked it up Friday, and was back in the office Friday. We saw our doctor this time; Thursday we had to see another doctor. She diagnosed Nate with croup and prescribed a steroid to ease the swelling of his vocal chords. She had us do a double dose that night and the croup symptoms were gone Saturday morning, however the cough and congestion have remained.

Wednesday we saw our doctor again, this time for Nate's six month appointment. She checked his lungs and ears again and said the croup was gone and that he still had a bad cold. He should be seen again if his cough got worse. Well, last night and today it got worse. He had a ten minute coughing attack with my Mom today. It scared her enough that she called me at work but Tylenol seemed to help quite a bit. I called the doctor and left a message with the nurse line. In retrospect, I should have spoken with somebody because they didn't get back to me until 4:15 pm but said Nate needed to be seen so we had to go to urgent care. My Mom was still here and Dan was stuck in traffic so she went with me. We got there around 4:50 pm and were told that the pediatrician wouldn't be there until 6. Ugh! After an hour wait and quite a bit more coughing, Nate was examined and the doctor said the cough was still a result of the croup virus. Also, Nate has the beginning of an ear infection. She gave us an antibiotic and an inhaler for when he has coughing fits.

I'm really looking forward to this virus going away! Not only do I hate seeing Nate sick but I'm exhausted; he's been waking up every 2-4 hours for almost a week now. When he was a newborn, it was tough but I wasn't working so it was doable. Now, it's just exhausting! I think that if he's still not sleeping and the cough isn't gone, I'm going to take Monday off.

I'll write more about Nate's 6 month appointment and new developments the next time I get a chance.

Experimenting with Volume

For the past three days, Nate has really found his voice and is playing around with volume. He does it mostly when he's laying flat. Dan calls it "singing" but I'll be honest, it's just short of a happy scream. It's really funny to just sit and listen to him. Sometimes I'll lay down next to him on the couch when he's doing it and he grabs my face. He's tried to eat my face several times lately. Yesterday was the best Thanksgiving of my life. I had so much fun just being with family and playing with Nate. We gave him a big piece of sweet potato in his mesh teether while we ate and he went to town. I'll post the video when I have a chance to load it. I recorded it on the camcorder so I'll have to figure out how to load to the computer.

I have really enjoyed having this week off and spending extra time with Nate. It makes me want to quit working again but I feel pretty confident that working part time is what's going to feel the best for me.

I think Nate is going through some big brain development right now. He seems to be regressing when it comes to sleep. I think he may have been a bit overstimulated last night, in addition. It took an hour to get him to sleep at 6:30 pm and then he was up again from 10:30 pm until 12:30 am and again at 4 am but went back down more quickly the second time. He ends up in our bed more often than not, mostly because I'm too tired to deal with trying to get him back down in his crib after feeding him.

On another note, we are meeting with a real estate agent tomorrow to list our house. We met with him once and he thinks we can list for close to what we bought for four years ago, which was a good surprise for both of us. I'm caustiously optimistic. We both agree that we aren't going to buy again unless we can buy the house that we want to stay in for the next 20 years. If not, we will rent for a while and wait the market out. I honestly can't even think about buying until this place sells but I'm thinking we should probably look around a little pretty soon to get an idea of what's out there.

Well, I'm having a difficult time keeping my thoughts together so I'm going to sign off for now. Hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving!

Some Pictures

Here are some pictures from Halloween. Nate dressed up as a future Little League World Series of Baseball Champ thanks to Uncle Kyle's good idea and Grandma's sewing. This is the uniform that the local little league wore this year when they won the World Series.

Teething?

Nate is back to feverishly putting things into his mouth to chew on. He has a favorite teether and stuffed animal to chew on. I think I've mentioned Al E Gator before. He has become Nate's "security blanket" in addition to being a good teether. Nate also loves chewing on fingers, his own, mine, and Dan's. Today we were playing and he quickly moved towards my face. I ended up with a slobbery nose. He was either trying to suck or chew on it; I couldn't quite tell because he backed off quickly. He did the same thing with my chin a few minutes later. Tonight at bedtime he was putting Goodnight Moon in his mouth but first he crumpled the pages of The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

The best part of my day today was playing with Nate on the couch. He loves getting kisses, especially on his neck, and was laughing hysterically when I kept attacking his neck. I can't think of a better sound!

The poor kiddo has been sick since Thursday evening. From what I can tell, he's just really congested and runny. He fell asleep fine that night but was up and having a little difficulty breathing around 10:30 pm. I called the doctor's nurse line while Dan tried to get him to sleep propped up on some pillows in our bed. The nurse said that unless he's really struggling to breath or has a temp of 105, he should be okay just fighting it off at home. He slept well propped up that night. We always have the humidifier going but put it out in the living room during the day while my Mom watched him.

Thanks to facebook, I got a couple other suggestions on how to help him sleep. I put some pillows under one side of his crib mattress so that he can sleep propped up there. He slept there last night and woke up twice to be rocked to sleep and once to eat. Today I got him Baby Vicks Vapo Rub. Dan and I had been wondering about Vapo Rub but weren't sure if we could use it on him, then one of Dan's friends suggested using Baby Rub on facebook. Technology these days! It seems like that's really going to help. I could feel it clearing my sinuses after I put it on his chest.

Oh, speaking of my sinuses. I finally broke down and went to the doctor on Tuesday. I had been sick for a week and was sick at the end of October for several days, too. I thought it was just lack of sleep but Shelley said my symptoms sounded like a sinus infection, thanks again to facebook. I had to go during the school day because the only other appointment that was available was 4:15 pm and I couldn't bring myself to leave Nate at daycare that late (we all know how timely doctors are with their appointments). Not only that but he hasn't adjusted to the time change and I need to get his cereal going around 4 pm. Anyway, so I get to the doctor and find out I do, in fact, have a sinus infection. I was somewhat relieved that it was something treatable. I was worried that he was going to tell me to get some rest. I walk out to my car thinking I was going to have enough time to get back to school for the girl who wanted to make up a test at lunch, turn the key, car starts, then stalls. I'm out of gas. I thought "Where's the closest gas station... about a mile away?!" I walked out to the street and saw a gas station at the end of the block. As I got closer I noticed that there wasn't a mini mart, just a tiny booth, but fortunately they sold a little gallon gas tank. After struggling with the tank and the pump and getting help from the lady in the booth, I walked back and started to fill the tank but I needed two hands so I threw my phone into the car at an angle. I ended up searching for the phone on my hands and knees: front seat, back seat, other side of the car, under the car... nowhere to be found. I almost left, thinking I would find it in the car later, but I'm glad I didn't give up. It was underneath the car behind me! By this point, I wasn't making it back in time for the girl so I decided to stop for some food. I was frustrated but decided to think positively. First, I was glad I made it to my doctor's appointment and the car didn't die while I was driving. Next, I was very glad that I didn't run out of gas with Nate in the car!!! I've been pushing it with filling up because I don't like stopping with him in the car but now I'm determined to start thinking about filling up when I have half a tank.

Anyway, back to Nate. I've noticed that he knows his bedtime song and book and is relaxed by them. I stumbled upon singing to him at bed on accident. Quite a while ago he was in the habit of crying after his bath while I was lotioning him up, diapering him, and getting his pjs on. One night I decided to sing and the first song that came to mind was Soul Sister by Train. I have been singing that song to him while lotioning, diapering, and changing for several months now. Sometimes I don't start singing it right away and he'll start struggling to reach his toes or roll over. The second I start singing, he's entranced and stops what he's doing to look and listen. Also, I've read him Goodnight Moon every night for several months but recently I have been reading him two books, ending with Goodnight Moon. While I'm reading the first book he often rocks back and forth and reaches for the pages of the book, trying to flip them and fold them. Once Goodnight Moon starts, he leans back into my chest and listens intently. I tell ya, the people who said to start a bedtime routine early really knew what they were talking about!

I can't remember where we left off with food so I'll summarize quickly here: he didn't like the green beans and peas that I made but likes jarred peas so I'm assuming he didn't like the texture of mine because of the skins. He loves the sweet potatoes I made and has had butternut squash once; my Mom introduced it to him on Thursday but he hasn't been eating much yesterday or today. Tomorrow I'm going to make him some peas and I also got a can of pumpkin that I'm excited to have him try. This morning he tried oatmeal baby cereal in place of the rice that he's been eating for three weeks. He seemed to like it just fine. I'm looking forward to trying parsnips and rutabaga then moving on to fruits. I'd like to try giving him avocado but I'm slightly allergic to them when they are very ripe (just like bananas) and I'm nervous that he will be, too.

Alright, this is long enough. I'm sure you've had enough and I need to get to some things! I probably won't be back on for a few days so Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Not Adjusting Well

It is 5:29 pm and I am sitting here typing while Nate is asleep in his crib. He's not adjusting to the time change at all. In fact, he's actually going to bed earlier than he was, probably because the sun is going down earlier. He has been falling asleep after only eating half of a meal and then waking up anywhere from 20 min to three hours later to finish. Most days he's back to sleeping really well, some nights he wakes up once, and occasionally he's up all night. I really think those nights are about his tummy: either he's hungry because he didn't eat much cereal before bed or he has a tummy ache. The second day he had peas he ate a whole bunch of them and then was up several times that night. I think his tummy is a bit sensitive.

Speaking of which, he started peas last Saturday and didn't eat much of then but then devoured them on Sunday. Ever since then, he doesn't want much to do with them. I made green beans and pureed them more smoothly on Tuesday but he's not a huge fan of them, either. Tomorrow I'm going to make sweet potatoes and also try store bought peas to see if he likes the smooth texture better. I think I'll try butternut squash after the sweet potatoes. I bought the Beaba Babycook and I'm excited to give it a whirl... literally! It's a relatively small contraption that steams and purees the food all in one. There's only one small container to clean, which is the main reason I bought it. We already spend a ton of time cleaning bottles and pump parts; I didn't want to add more to the cleaning agenda.

I have been sick again for three days now. This time I think the cold was worse than the last two weeks ago. I'm feeling a bit better this evening but this cold has been weird. I have been feeling the worst in the middle of the night. I am really hoping that I haven't passed it on to Nate. I avoided him for the most part the first two days except for feedings. I read that breastmilk carries antibodies to whatever cold I have. Pretty cool! Today I spent more time with him because I was off of work but hopefully I'm no longer contagious. I was supposed to get a haircut today and had grand hopes of getting a lot done over this three day weekend but it's not looking like that's going to happen. For about the past week I've been falling asleep between 7-8 pm. I should have known something was up when that started but I assumed I was just catching up on sleep after a rough night with Nate on Sunday (the pea tummy trouble).

Today I gave Nate his bath for the first time in quite a while. Dan has taken over that duty but he stopped at Albertson's on his way home from work tonight and Nate decided to get tired earlier than usual. We are still giving him a bath over the sink in his whale baby bath tub. Well... I think it's time to move the whale into the big bath tub. He is moving around and splashing so much that we made a huge mess! He was having fun though.

Besides the veggies and the off and on sleep, there's not a whole lot new since last week. Nate's still practicing sitting up and he's getting better and better. He rarely wants to lay or recline anymore; he wants to be sitting up watching what's going on. He is still grabbing things and putting them in his mouth all of the time but we haven't seen any teeth. I don't think he's drooling quite enough to be teething just yet. He has started doing the funniest thing lately. He'll push me away or try to pull me close. For example, I was feeding him his veggies today, which he isn't very fond of, and he put his hand on my cheek and tried to turn my face away. But when it comes to his cereal, he pulls my hand toward his mouth or leans forward to get it.

Well, I'm going to have my soup and get ready for bed. I really need to get over this cold! My New Moms Group has been planning a Mommy Day at Laguna Culinary Arts for lunch and wine tasting tomorrow for about a month now. I told them that I'll have to be walking dead to miss it. I didn't attend either of the gatherings in October so I really want to see the ladies and catch up! And, it's wine tasting.

My Baby Boy is Five Months Old!

Today is Nate's five month birthday, yet he's wearing 9 month clothes and I'm going to try him in 12 month clothes as soon as I can get back to the Carter's store. We went last weekend and got him a bunch of 9 month stuff but this time, I was smart - I washed one thing first to see how the size fit before cutting tags and washing everything. Turns out, the 9 month clothes fit pretty well so I'm returning a bunch of it for 12 month.

Two days ago, all of a sudden, Nate started sitting up much better. He can sit in my lap in the crook between my legs and sit up straight. He's such a strong boy! Another new development is peas. Where did we leave off last... I think I mentioned that we started cereal twice a day but I don't think I mentioned that Nate had blood in his stool on Sunday morning. We went to the doctor on Monday and she said he basically had a tear that was causing the blood. He had been pooping a ton, probably because of the large quantity that he had been eating. She also mentioned that he is such a big boy and that it sounded like he's a very hungry boy so we should speed up the schedule that she gave us for introducing solids. So, that's the new development - peas. Today I steamed a bag of frozen peas, blended them up, and gave Nate his first vegetable. I tried them after pureeing them and they are actually pretty tasty! (Usually I put a little salt on any veggie when we make them but without salt, still delish.) He only took a handful of bites but he seemed to like it. We took a short video and I'll post it on here soon. We actually used the camcorder for this video so I need to find the cable to connect it to my computer.

What else is new? I am now producing more milk than Nate needs and our freezer is too small to keep up. I told Dan last night that's reason #156 to sell our house. I am hoping to meet with a real estate agent on Friday to discuss the market and what we might be able to get for our house. I will definitely miss this area. Tonight we walked to Main St for sushi with Nate in the Bjorn and had a really great time. But we need more space.

I can't think of anything else to write about. I need to start making notes on my phone again.

Have a great weekend!

Second Bites Were a Bit Messy

He's really not as miserable as he looks. Nate was smiling right before the flash blinded him and he looked down, which is why he looks miserable in this shot. I decided to give him some cereal before bed last night. He was a little grumpy because it was almost bedtime and he didn't want to sit in his high chair so I sat with him in my lap. That arrangement made it much more difficult to avoid a mess!

First Food!

This morning Nate had his first food. After a couple days of eating and pooping a ton as well as waking up two to three times in the middle of the night to eat, we decided that we needed to start Nate on solids. His doctor has a very detailed way that she likes to introduce solids; she suggested that we start with rice cereal in the morning for a week, then add rice cereal before bed for another week, then start introducing vegetables. I'm not sure if we'll make it a full week before adding the evening rice cereal because waking up to feed Nate while working is a lot harder than it was when I wasn't working. I'm tired! I'm hoping that if we give him cereal before bed he'll go back to being our professional sleeper again.

He seemed to really enjoy the rice cereal. I can't wait to give him more interesting options. I added a dash or cinnamon to the rice cereal to make it a bit more flavorful. At first he didn't really know what he thought about it but before long, he was leaning forward to get to the spoon and even opened his mouth wide to get the food in his mouth a few times. I thought he'd end up with more food on him then in his tummy but he did a really good job of eating!

Here's the link to the video of Nate's first bites: http://youtu.be/nCN0UqkyeQQ.

He's also been in our bed four nights out of the last six. I don't think I made him sick the other night when I thought I did. He was acting the same the next day, then had two great nights, and has had two weird nights again. He'll sleep for a little while after eating then wakes up either to eat again or just be held and will fall right back to sleep, however when we put him down in his crib he's instantly up crying again. If we bring him into our bed, he'll sleep. He's still rubbing his face a ton but the only thing I can associate that with is him being tired. It only happens at night and occasionally when he's overtired for a nap during the day. His skin looks normal so I don't think it's any kind of irritation. His nose is clear so I don't think it's congestion. I really don't want this to become a habit however there's no way I can stay awake in the middle of the night to try to get him in his crib. We've done it a few times and it has always ended up with one of us being awake for 1-2 hours followed by bringing Nate into our bed anyway.

I got good news yesterday that had funny timing. The principal came into my room to tell me that I'm being recommended for probationary status at the November school board meeting, which would mean I'll have tenure next year. This is another thing to add to the "cons list" of quitting at the end of this school year. We'll see, I've got time to figure it out.

Nate is dying to sit up! He can sit propped on the couch now for a while before he tips to one side or the other. When he's laying down, he's often arching forward using his stomach muscles to try to pull himself up. This kid is strong, I tell ya! He's also getting really crazy in his bouncer. He's in it right now, bouncing like a mad man. My Mom thinks all of the activity is making him hungrier in addition to just being a big boy. Even though he had rice cereal after his first feeding today, he still ate again 3 hours afterward. Three hours after breastfeeding, only about 2 hours after his cereal. I don't know if my body can keep up with this demand!

He's also started doing this dramatic cough pretty often. Eh, eh! I don't know if he's trying to get attention or choking on his spit but it's really cute.

Alright, I can't concentrate on this right now so I need to sign off.

I Think I Made My Poor Kiddo Sick!

Last night we had major tummy issues to deal with. After a long day with not enough naptime, we started Nate's bedtime routine about 30 minutes early and he fell asleep early, around 6 pm. When he woke up after 45 minutes I just figured he needed more to eat and would go back to sleep for the night. He woke up two more times before I realized that we were in for a rough night.

In fear of not having enough breastmilk for him, I packed a bottle for Nate when we left to go to Laguna Beach for my Mom's birthday around noon yesterday. I intended on feeding him the bottle in the car or right when we got there but he didn't want it and then he fell asleep. Long story short, I gave him the bottle later than I should have; I let the bottle stay unrefrigerated longer than the recommended hour. Again, I was afraid that I didn't have anything for him if I put him to the breast so I gave him the bottle when I should have just fed him whatever I had to tide him over until we got home and then fed him a fresh bottle.

I felt terribly for him last night as he continued to wake up in discomfort and cried anytime I laid him flat. I slept with him in the rocking chair for a little while and then propped up on some pillows in our bed but neither of us got much good sleep. He was pooping a ton all night and it was clearly his stomach that was the problem. At 1:30 am I called for a substitute teacher because I knew that even if Nate was feeeling better in the morning, I didn't want him to be at daycare running on very little sleep. And I knew I'd be pretty worthless at work, too. By the time he woke up around 6 am he was able to fall back asleep laying flat and he stayed with Dan while I ran into work around 7 am to prep for the substitute. He continued to poop a ton throughout the morning but otherwise was acting like he usually does. Well, except for the lack of naps. He only slept for 40 minutes all day. I think that when he's overtired he has an incredibly difficult time falling asleep. He was in a surprisingly good mood all the way through the evening considering how little sleep he had gotten. We started bedtime early again tonight and he fell asleep about 30 minutes earlier than usual. I'm hoping that he's eaten enough to stay asleep all night and get some good rest! Poor kid needs it.

I think that if my supply issue continues, I'm going to introduce him to formula so that this doesn't happen again. That way I can keep a water bottle and a little bit of formula in the diaper bag and mix it up whenever he needs it. He only had the two bad ounces that I gave him yesterday and didn't need a bottle at all today so I'm hoping that I've been able to get my supply up and it will stay up despite being back at work tomorrow.

This whole experience has made me realize that I am so much happier at home with Nate. Dan came home after stopping at Trader Joe's on his way home. Nate was in his swing and I knew he wouldn't be happy there for long because he was so tired so I started singing a song about putting the groceries away. Dan came in from getting the second load out of his car and said he was glad I was in such a good mood. I hadn't realized it until then but I was in a very good mood even though I am very tired.

What to Do, What to Do?

I am pretty certain that I'm going to go part time starting in February. I'll be teaching one fewer classes and will make 1/6 less money but have full benefits, which shouldn't be a problem for us. The debate is about what to do next year. For the first two weeks back at work I seriously thought the only option that I'd be happy with would be to sell our house (it's going to be too small for us pretty soon anyway) and rent something cheaper for 3-5 years so that I can quit teaching for that time. Then once the kiddos are off to school (or preschool) I'd go back to teaching and we'd buy a house.

This week I started thinking about getting back to work in 3-5 years and trying to work my way back up to Calculus wherever I end up. Teaching wouldn't be the same for me if I couldn't teach Calculus. This got me thinking that maybe I should continue teaching 2-3classes while the babies grow up, not quit working completely. We would have to pay a portion of our health benefits but I think it would be very expensive to insure all of us through Dan's job anyway and the health benefits through my job are very good.

So I'm torn. I think that being part time in the Spring will help me decide. I'll also have to find out how expensive benefits would be if I taught fewer classes. I think talking to a real estate agent is a good idea, also. I don't even know if we could sell our house for enough to pay our mortgage, let alone get our down payment back. And it would be nice to know if the agent thought we'd be able to sell for more sometime in the near future or not. If we'd have to stay here for five more years before we could sell what we bought for, I'd know that we're not going to be able to make our money back because we can't live here that long with two kids. I know, I keep mentioning kids in plural. No, I don't have something to tell you. But we do hope to have a second in the not so distant future.

Alright, onto what you're here for. Nate is developing so quickly! And he seems to be growing before my eyes. I'm still producing less milk but today seemed like it was a bit better than any day in the last week. I've been sad about needing to give him a bottle before bed but the other night he started rubbing my arm while he was eating. I sat with my cheek on the top of his head and felt almost the same bond that I feel while he's breastfeeding. Today I was having a similar experience; he was rubbing my arm with one hand and holding onto my thumb with the other, I had my cheek on the top of his head. He fell asleep and I moved him to my shoulder, then all of a sudden he let out a huge burp! I had a difficult time containing the laugh that I wanted to let out.

Liana, our daycare provider, told me on Wednesday that she thinks Nate's teething. Today he was doing some weird things in what seemed to be desperation to get something into his mouth to chew on. He's been chewing on his thumb and anything else he can get into his mouth for a couple weeks. Wish me luck and little pain for Nate!

Nate has also taken on a huge interest in food lately. Today Dan picked up bagel sandwiches for us after my run this morning and we sat at the table together, Nate was sitting in my lap. Every single time I lifted either the sandwich or the Chai tea I got to my mouth, Nate followed it not just with his eyes but completely moved his head to follow the food into my mouth. That's one of the signs that he's ready for solids. He hasn't seemed hungrier though, which was the main thing that our doctor wants us to wait for. If the timing works out, I'm thinking that we'll introduce cereal in the morning over my three day Veteran's day weekend, do that for about 5 days, then introduce cereal before bed for about 5 days, and then Nate will get to have his first vegetable during the week of Thanksgiving! (Our doctor was very specific about how she wants us to introduce solids. I know people do it all different ways but I'm going to try to follow her advice.) I am very excited about introducing solids and need to get a high chair or booster seat. I'm planning on making his food and am really looking forward to that, too.

I really need to get serious about training for the half marathon on Super Bowl Sunday. I'm only running 3.5 miles once a week. Two weeks ago I was planning on adding a run on Wednesday or Thursday in the evening after Nate went to bed but the first week was when we had the heat wave (it was 85 at 8 pm) and last week I was waking up every three hours to pump so there was no way I was doing anything physical. I am also trying to get back into the swing of things with preparing meals. I have been making easy meals and a couple slow cooker meals but am still heating up a couple prepared or freezer meals from Trader Joe's per week. I'd like to cut those out to cut our grocery bill.

I've figured out that I can't keep up with pumping every three hours at night while working and have decided that I'll wake up at most once a night to pump. If my supply continues to diminish, we'll use the milk that we have in the freezer and then supplement with formula. My goal had been to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months but about a month and a half ago I decided that I'd like to try to do it longer than that. Now with the way my body is responding to going back to work, I'm hoping I can make it 6 months and am disappointed that I might not get to choose when I stop.

Alright, I'm pretty sleepy and need to get to bed. I wasn't able to blog last night because I was exhausted from waking up every three hours all week!

He's Growing Up Too Quickly!

I had a little bit of an emotional meltdown last night. I put Nate down in his crib and for the third time in his life, he fell asleep on his own. I remember thinking that he was getting so "mature." About an hour later he started crying in his sleep and I ran upstairs to comfort him. I was amazed at how much his cry has changed; he no longer sounds like a newborn but more like a baby. I picked him up and swayed with him in my arms and almost immediately started crying myself. I started thinking about the time when I won't be holding him anymore and then started thinking about when he won't need me as much. I know that both of those things are going to come all too quickly. That moment is the one that happens more and more, which makes me want to be a stay at home Mommy.

I'm having a bit of a milk supply issue and thought it was from going back to work and pumping more. I called Hoag's Baby Line today and the lactaction consultant helped me realize that it's probably from a combination of stress and the longer nights that Nate has been having. He started sleeping longer stretches the week before I went back to work. She suggested that I wake up every 3 hours to pump, which should increase my supply. I thought I was off the hook for waking up and would have a nice, restful weekend but I guess not. On one hand I understand why people stop breastfeeding because it's a lot of work, but on the other I hope that I am not forced to stop sooner than I'm ready because I love it so much. Until recently I didn't truly love it but I will be really upset if my body decides that it's done. It is such a great bonding experience and I hope to be able to do it for a while longer. My body has responded pretty quickly to changes so I'm hoping that it will continue to respond quickly when I pump more often.

This morning Nate woke up a little bit earlier than usual after going to bed about an hour later than usual last night. When I went upstairs I realized why. I reached into his crib and he was laying on his belly! He has rolled from his belly to his back three times but hasn't done it in quite a while. This morning was the first time that he has ever rolled from his back to his belly and he got stuck! Looks like we really need to make sure he's getting tummy time so that he doesn't get stuck again.

This weekend I'm going to look at our budget to figure out if we can afford me to go part time second semester. One of the new teachers that got hired this year only teaches four classes because there weren't enough sections for her to work full time. I have been thinking about offering to drop a class period and give it to her so that I can spend more time with Nate. I spoke with the Assistant Principal in charge of the schedule and she said she doesn't have a problem with it so I need to figure out if it's realistic for us. I really have my heart set on it so I'm hoping we can make it work.

Well, usually I would be headed off to bed right now but I need to stay up one more hour to pump. I figure that's easier than going to sleep and waking up after only an hour. Please keep your fingers crossed that this plan works and my supply increases!

Funny Baby

Nate has started laughing more and makinn more of the cutest noises. His newest thing is to roll backward, arch his back, and check out what's behind him when he's done eating. Or when he's bored or distracted for that reason. Tonight we were sitting in the rocker in his bedroom finishing up his bedtime feeding and he rolled back. I usually let him lay with his back arched for a minute or two so he can see whatever it was that he was looking at. Within half a minute I realized he had fallen asleep! It was pretty cute and funny.

We've had a pretty good bedtime routine going for a while now. We eat dinner around 5:30 pm with Nate in his bouncer on the table and the Soft Rock station playing on Pandora. We start Nate's bath between 6 and 6:30 pm, depending on when the yawns start. After bath time, I take him upstairs and lotion him up (he has dry skin like his Mom) while signing Soul Sister by Train or whatever great song is playing on Pandora. I put his diaper and pajamas on and then sit in the rocker with Goodnight Moon. Nate really enjoys that book and stares at the pictures in it. Today he was making soft noises at it while I read. After his book he eats and then goes to sleep.

I continue to feel like the luckiest Mommy on the planet for so many reasons that I'm afraid to list again in fear of jinxing myself.

Back to Work

Oh man, it's been an emotionally tough week. I went back to work on Monday. I was surprised to feel okay about dropping Nate off at daycare and was reminded how much I love my job throughout the day. When I picked him up and he didn't seem excited to see me, I was a little bit sad. When he wouldn't look at me for the rest of the day, I was more than a little bit sad. When he smiled immediately upon seeing Dan and made eye contact with him, I wanted to quit my job and become a stay at home Mom. I'm finding myself rushing out of work to spend time with Nate before he falls asleep at 7 pm, which makes me feel like I'm not only not being a great Mom but I'm also not being a great teacher. I came up with a new 5-7 year plan on Monday or Tuesday. We sell our house, rent a larger place for less (because I know we can based on what friends are doing), I quit my job and raise babies, and then I get back into teaching when they're in school and we buy again.

Things were definitely easier when I was leaving Nate with Dan knowing that my Mom was on the way to watch him instead of dropping him off at daycare. Dan and Nate got to spend some quality one-on-one time together for an hour or so and I knew Nate was getting great attention throughout the day. I feel comfortable with the daycare that we chose but I will always have doubts; it's just the way I am. Nate loves Leanna, the primary caregiver, and if anything, they are actually holding him too much. I was worried that he would be left in his pack n play to cry while other kids were attended to but every time I've been there they've been holding him and on Tuesday Leanna said that they figured out he likes to be walked around. My Mom said it seems like he wanted to be held more than usual on Thursday and Friday. I'm hoping it's just an adjustment period; I had gotten him to be a little more independent, playing on his playmat or in his swing for 30-45 minutes at a time. It's difficult to tell if he's wanting to be held more at home because he got his 4 month shots yesterday and had a temperature last night and today. He was fussier than usual and I was willing to hold him more than usual because of the circumstances.

Yesterday when we put him to bed his temperature was 99.5; today it got up to 101. I was surprised to find out that babies don't need to be seen until their temperature goes up to 105! (I called the nurse line twice.) He was only slightly fussy and mostly slept more during the day today and yesterday. He slept a bit less than what has become usual last night so I'm expecting the same tonight. I should probably get to bed soon!

This afternoon Nate fell asleep while eating so I took the opportunity to have him nap on my chest. I slinked my way down to a slightly reclined position, like I used to do all of the time when he was a baby (I always say that, referring to when he was newborn). For a while now he hasn't liked sleeping on my chest with me in the reclined position but he slept like that today for 2 hours. I was able to take a nap with him sleeping on my chest, like the good ole days. It's amazing to me that my little baby cakes is only 4 months old and there are already things that I miss doing with him! It was so nice to spend that time snuggling with him, especially after my first week back at work.

Right now I feel torn between a job that I love and spending time with my baby that I will never get back. I lean towards leading a simpler life and spending the time with him but know that I need to give it more time. If I did decide to stay home, I would have to finish out this school year or risk having a very difficult time finding a job when I do decide to go back to work. I have a contract for the year that I need to honor.

Am I Ready for This?

I can't believe it's here already. I go back to work tomorrow, two days before Nate's 4 month birthday. I am excited to get back to a job that I love but incredibly sad that my daily time with Nate is going to be so much shorter. I'm afraid that I'm going to miss so much, that he won't be as happy, that he'll get sick all of the time, that he won't love me as much... The list is endless. I feel confident in the daycare that we are sending him to and am so happy that my Mom is going to watch him twice a week but this is still incredibly difficult. Everyone keeps telling me that it's going to be harder on me than on him. Today I'm skipping the monthly meeting of the Mommies and Daddies so that I can spend a quiet day at home with Nate.

Alright, enough of that. I'm sure I'll be crying plenty this week so I don't need to be doing it now.

I bought Nate a new set of socks that have an argyle design on them; one pair is black, white, and red. He took particular interest in those and was playing with his foot for quite some time the other day. I wonder if he'll be a toe sucking baby soon. I'll definitely need to get some video of that if he is.

On Thursday, my Mom came over to watch Nate so that I could get a facial (the first part of a Groupon that Dan got me for Mother's Day). She was sitting with him on the couch when I got back and all of a sudden Nate found his voice. He seemed startled, surprised, and interested by it with the first few sounds that he made. The look on his face was priceless and I wish I would have gotten it on video but I did record video of it as quickly as I could. It was so cute! He has been talking away ever since then. This morning we went to Trader Joe's and I was talking to the nice man at the register about his daughter. He said he is worried about when she starts bringing boys around "like you" (to Nate) and Nate let out an excited yelp. He hadn't made a peep the entire time we were there until then. It was pretty funny. He had been making sounds prior to this but these noises have much more to them.

He is sucking on his fists and fingers far more lately and I'll often hear him wake up at night, stick a finger in his mouth, and fall back to sleep. Despite the doctor recommending a pacifier over sucking his thumb, I'm glad he prefers his own hands for that reason. He's also started pulling my fingers (and everything else around him) into his mouth and biting down. I don't know if this is just a new thing in his development or if it's a sign that he's going to start teething soon. I really hope that he holds off on teething.

I can't believe it but this almost 4 month old baby is outgrowing his 6 month clothes! They still fit but won't for long. Yesterday I put him in a 6-9 month onesie and it was loose in the shoulders but the length was almost too short. He's going to be a very tall boy!

Friday is Nate's 4 month appointment so we'll get to find out just how big he is. He also has to get another round of shots, which makes me sad, but he handled them better than I did last time. Because of a communication error his appointment had to be rescheduled from last Friday, when I was off work, to this Friday morning, when I'm working. Fortunately I think the timing will work out okay. My conference period is from 9-10 am (second period) and his appointment is at 8:30 am. I have somebody covering the end of my first period so that I can get to the office around 8:45 am (the doctor is never on time) and I also have somebody covering SSR at the beginning of third period for me in case the appointment runs long. My Mom will be watching him that day which makes me feel much better about not being around after his shots.

It's funny, the lady who ran the formal meetings of my Mom's Group said something on the first day about babies not knowing that they are a separate being from their Mom until they are a certain age (I don't remember the age but I hope it's already passed). I'm feeling like I haven't quite figured out that Nate's a separate being from me.

Well, I'm going to sign off because he should be waking from his nap anytime now. Wish me luck for the upcoming week please!

Here's Nate finding his voice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4zWDGAkQZw

A Picture

Nate's been drooling so much that I decided to give him a bib today. The wetness on his clothes around his neck sometimes causes a rash. He decided to eat his bib!

Crib Update

I forgot to update on the crib situation last night. The first thing I thought when I logged on is that I'm really "Reaching and Grabbing" for post titles. Haha! Anyway, back to the crib. I slept upstairs with Nate for a full week and on the eighth day, Sunday, I slept on the couch. After he woke up for his first feeding and went back to sleep I couldn't get comfortable on the couch again so I went into our bedroom and have been there ever since. There were two nights though that Nate ended up in our bed around 1 am. We had 2-3 rough nights because of tummy trouble. He was gassier than usual and hadn't been pooping as much for a couple days, then all of a sudden he was back to normal.

Reaching and Grabbing

Nate has been reaching and grabbing for things quite a bit. He isn't grabbing at things so much that I feel like I have to move things out of his way but when he lays on his play mat he grabs the animals hanging overhead and pushes them around or into his mouth. He also grabs our shirts when we hold him or when I'm feeding him. The cutest thing is that he now rubs my side with his hand as he's eating and sometimes rubs my chest with his other hand, usually only at night though.

We had our first 9 hour stretch of sleep but it only happened once. In the last five weeks or so Nate's slept 8-9 hours about four or five times. I'm looking forward to when this will become more consistent. Unfortunately my body didn't cooperate the two times Nate slept longer than usual this week. I woke up around his "usual" time, 1:50 am, and couldn't fall back to sleep. I've also been having a difficult time getting back to sleep once Nate wakes and goes back to sleep. This had been happening off and on before he was in his crib but it's worse now that I'm going upstairs to feed him. I sure hope that this doesn't happen when I go back to work but I have a feeling the first few nights will actually be worse because my mind will be racing.

I have been relishing the mornings lately, knowing that I won't be able to enjoy them as much in about a week. I haven't quite figured out how mornings are going to work when I'm back at work. I think that I will feel most comfortable dropping Nate off at daycare on the first few days so that I can see him in the environment. I also don't want his first feeding of the day to be a bottle, at least until he gets more comfortable with the bottle. So the question is, do I wake him up so that I can feed him and drop him off? When things are "normal", he goes to bed around 7:30-7:40 pm, wakes around 1:50 am and then again at 6 or 6:30 am, and then sometimes goes back to sleep for a few hours. This would actually be a pretty perfect schedule because I'll need to leave around 7 or 7:15 am. I guess I'm just going to have to play it by ear and decide depending on what happens each night and morning.

Sleeping Upstairs

Nate and I have still been sleeping upstairs. Tuesday, the third night, was the worst. Nate woke up earlier than usual and only stayed asleep for 2 hours. Then he was up from 5:30-7:15 am. Finally after trying everything else, I sat in the rocking chair with him and he fell asleep. The fourth night, Wednesday, was the best. Nate slept 8 hours and 5 minutes; this is the third time he's slept 8 hours but it had been several weeks since the last time. He did well last night (not 8 hours, but still did well) so hopefully this means he's adjusted to his new environment. I'll probably stay up there another night or two and then sleep on the couch one or two nights before I move back into our room. I want to feel out how it's going to be getting further and further away slowly. Also, I actually sleep pretty well upstairs because I don't have Dan's fidgeting keeping me up in addition to waking up for Nate.

We got our first real giggles yesterday. He's been doing a mini giggle, kind of just a "Huh" with a huge smile, but yesterday we got three real giggles. I can't wait until the giggles turn into laughs and squeals!

I'm trying to relish every last second that I can. Today I realized that I'm only going to get about 3 hours a day with Nate during the week, which is kind of depressing to think about. Also, I might have to miss his 4 month appointment. We had scheduled it for 9/30 so that it happened before I go back to work but I called to change it a day earlier so that he doesn't get his shots the last day I get to spend with him. The receptionist said we actually had to move it back because it needs to happen when he's 4 months or later. So now it's scheduled for 10/5 at 8:30 am. My prep period is from 9-10 am so I think I will go to part of the appointment. The doctor is always late anyway so hopefully I'll be there when she's examining him. I'm super apprehensive about him being in daycare after getting shots. Actually, I think I'm going to call and take the Friday morning appointment that was offered if they still have it so that Nate is with my Mom afterward.

I am really tired because Nate took a little longer than usual to go back to sleep at 2 am and was up three hours earlier than usual this morning so I'm going to sign off for now. I'll try to get back on this weekend and write a little more.

Oh, one quick note - I'm no longer proofreading before I post and haven't been for a while. I hope it's not too obvious!

I Didn't Forget

I swear. I didn't forget to blog on Friday. We were without an internet connection from Friday morning until yesterday. Dan got a new TV for the living room and we moved the old living room TV to the bedroom along with a new DVR box. The man from DirecTV disconnected our internet connection when he installed the new box and the rest is a long story.

So, the boy... Nate's completely out of his swaddle and I actually don't know what to put him to bed in. There have been a couple times that I've put him down in just his diaper because it was so hot. I put him down in footy pjs once and don't expect to do that again until he's sleeping through the night. Changing his diaper and getting the snaps all done up was ridiculous! For the last several nights I've put him down in the pjs that are open at the bottom with elastic to help keep his legs inside and those seem to work best even though it looks like I'm putting him in a dress. Of course I figured this all out after buying and washing several pairs of pjs.

Nate is starting to grab at things and particularly likes Al E Gator, this adorable courduroy alligator stuffed animal that we got as a gift and I wish I knew who gave it to us. He likes sucking on Al's foot and tail and he wrestles him sometimes. It's quite cute. Oh, and I know you're thinking "Wow Shannon, you are so creative in naming him."

Nate and I have slept in his room two nights now, Nate in his crib and me in the bed up there. He woke up at his usual time to eat, right around 1:50 am, and both nights I was awoken by crying (screaming the first night) right around 4 am. Nate doesn't cry so it scared me quite a bit. The first night he had his leg stuck between the slats of the crib. Of course, I don't have the padded bumpers because of the SIDS risk and I read in several places that bumpers are unnecessary. Well, I went out that day (yesterday) and bought breathable bumpers. Last night I heard a little thud right before the crying. I think that he bonked his arm on the railing. He moves around so much when he's in the crib and never moved when he was in the pack n play. When I lay him with his head on the right side of the crib, he rotates himself so that his body is lying the short way and his legs hit the railing; he's started lifting both legs and pounding them down on the mattress (he's been doing that for several days, even in his pack n play). The one time that I laid him down with his head on the left, he scootched towards the middle of the crib and close to the railing, which is why he bonked his arm. I'm hoping that he gets used to the crib and this stops happening! Poor kiddo!!! By the way, thanks to Mom for sewing the blackout curtains and Dan W for hanging them. They are installing the stained glass windows over the next two weekends and then I will post pictures of Nate's room.

This deserves it's own paragraph: yesterday Nate put himself to sleep. Usually he falls asleep while eating after his bath or Dan rocks him to sleep. Last night, he fell asleep while eating but woke up when I put him in his crib. He wasn't fussing so I let him lay there and he just sucked his fist until he fell asleep. I'm not holding my breath for that to happen again consistently but I'm excited that it has happened once. I'm still waiting for that 8 hour stretch of sleep that he teased us with a couple times but it has alluded me for a couple weeks.

I have been doing the grading for my substitute so that I'll have a better idea of how the students are doing when I go back. I've been able to do the grading at night when Nate's asleep or during the day when he entertains himself on his playmat or in his swing. I'm hoping that when I go back, I'll be able to do the bulk of the grading during my prep period and at lunch. I've been thinking more and more about going back and know that the next 2.5 weeks are going to go by so quickly. I'm sad but excited at the same time. Being on campus to pick up the quizzes to grade has reminded me how much I love my job but I'm going to miss Nate soooo much!

General Update

Nate has started noticing the world around him much more. He has also become aware that his hands and arms are part of his body and he has control of their movements. He loves to sit and stare at them and move them slowly in front of his face. He's also in control of their movement a bit more, which has resulted in us being able to swaddle him with one arm out. He prefers sleeping with his left hand above his head. So far, if he has both arms out he flails and wakes himself up but we're getting closer to being able to put him down without a swaddle.

A week ago Thursday at our last official Mom's Group meeting, Nate got a round of applause. While one of the ladies was talking, I put him down for some tummy time and he instantly rolled over. It had been about two weeks since his last roll over so I was excited to see him do it again. I did a free trial at a boot camp in Seal Beach this week and Nate was laying on his back on an exercise mat (with a blanket under him of course), and he rolled from his back to his side but I don't think he's ready to get over to his belly from his back quite yet.

For about a week or more I have been singing Soul Sister to Nate after his bath while I lotion him up and give him a little massage and he absolutely loves it. I think the first time I sang it, I chose that song because it was stuck in my head. He liked it so much that I decided to stick with it. He particularly likes the verse that starts with "Girl you can cut a rug, watching you is the only drug I need". I want to try a new song like Perfect by Pink but I don't know the lyrics very well. I've pulled them up on my phone though so I might try it tonight. It's funny that he doesn't seem to mind how terrible my voice sounds.

I don't remember if I mentioned this in my last post but Nate is getting more independent. After seeing how much Nate loved his friend Emmy's play mat, I hung some stuffed animals from his play mat to make it more like hers and he really enjoys laying there now. I also have a mirror hanging from it and he really enjoys talking to the baby. And there's a line of toys, Lamaze, that he likes a lot. He has a peacock, Jacque the Peacock, that keeps him amused for an unusual amount of time. He is also usually willing to spend more time in his swing and/or his bouncy seat. I pulled out a toy that attaches to anything and arches over and he loves that, too.

We are still a bit slow with the bottle but at least he's taking it. I think once he's in daycare and has to take 2-3 bottles per day, he'll get better at it. If he's more than just a little hungry, he won't take the bottle at all; he just cries and won't calm down until I put him on the boob.

And he's calling again... gotta run!

Another Post, Already?!

It's 8:40 pm and Nate's asleep (although I hear him on the monitor making a little bit more noise than I'm comfortable with) and Dan's on his way to a softball game nearby. For the first time in who knows how long, I'm sitting on the couch by myself in a quiet house. Now I've probably jinxed myself so that Nate will wake up. Funny how I worry about that ALL OF THE TIME! When somebody says something good about Nate's sleep, I always ask them to knock on wood or take it back for fear that they've jinxed me, and I'm always afraid I'm going to jinx myself. I know, it's crazy! So now I'm afraid to say this but we've had three nights with long stretches of sleep. Nate has been eating for double his usual length of time right before bed, his last feeding starting between 7-7:30, and he's woken up between 2:30-3 am each day for the last three days. Everytime I go to bed, I expect to be woken up in the 12 o'clock hour and when I'm not, I'm so happy and surprised! I don't know how long this can last and know that his sleep patterns will change so many times as his brain develops and especially when he starts teething but I'm enjoying this while it lasts! Of course, the second night it happened I was up for 2 hours in between feeds again. I told myself that we would move him into his crib upstairs once he started waking up only one time per night but I'm not mentally prepared for that yet and I'm definitely not counting on this lasting forever.

Yesterday I found out that I have a breast infection, which I think is partially caused by the longer sleep. I am on antibiotics but am still able to breastfeed. The bacteria in the milk is killed by Nate's stomach acids. The doctor was impressed with how in tune I am with my body; I found it early enough that I may not need to take the whole week of antibiotics. Of course, there's a delicate balance between bacteria and yeast so now that I'm on antibiotics I have to pay especially close attention to cleaning everything (I have to boil all bottle nipples and pacifiers every time they are used) to avoid thrush, which is a yeast infection in the baby's mouth. Please keeep your fingers crossed for me!

Tuesday Nate had his first trip to Disneyland. I told him how lucky he is to have his first trip when he was a mere 11 weeks old. One of the ladies from my Mom's group is pretty hot you-know-what at Disneyland. She was an ambassador two of the four years she worked there before going on maternity leave, which apparently is a huge deal. She is on unpaid leave now and plans to quit when that is over but she will have a free pass along with three friends for the rest of her life. It was actually a funny experience for us Moms. There were a total of four of us from the Mom's group. We arrived at 12:30 pm and had lunch at Downtown Disney. We didn't get to Main St in the park until 3 pm! And we didn't get to the end of Main St until about 4 pm! A couple of us wanted to buy Micky Mouse ear hats at one of the stores on Main St and then we wanted our baby's names embroidered. Once the hats were done, Nate had a meltdown (our first public meldown). One of the very nice workers in the store suggested we go next door to the museum because it was cooler in there. I walk through the museum, screaming baby in tow, and there are people watching a video on the history of Disneyland. They all turn around and give either looks of disgust or looks of concern, I couldn't really tell because I was too focused on Nate. I got him to calm down a little bit and sat down on a bench to feed him. It was early for him to eat but usually that's the only time he cries. And boy did he eat! Minutes later, one of the other babies in our group started crying so that Mom sat next to me and started feeding her baby. By the end of about 20 minutes, all four of us were feeding our babies on a bench in the museum. It was quite comical!

Well, I think I'm going to sign off now and enjoy the last 20-30 minutes of quiet time before I go to bed. Yes, I'm going to bed around 9:30 pm.

Oh wait, I just thought of one more thing. Nate got a round of applause at my last formal Mom's Group meeting today. I put him down for tummy time while one of the Moms was sharing something and he instantly rolled over. This is the third time he has rolled over but he didn't do it for about two weeks. Everybody was so impressed that my little 11 week old boy can roll over! Grandma says he was probably trying to impress his new girlfriend. Saturday we had a brunch with all of the Dads from our group. I put Nate down on the playmat at the host's house with the host's daughter and instantly, she put her arm around his.

Oh, Sweet, Sweet Sleep!

Well, I missed a Friday. My reminder went off when I was already in bed. I've been trying to get to bed earlier so that I'm not as tired. Last night I went to bed at 9 pm and was allowed to sleep until... 2:30 am!!! That is definitely the longest stretch of sleep I've gotten in the last 11 weeks. Nate went 7 hours between feedings!!! Now, I should delete some of those exclamation points because I know that the more excited I get, the less likely it is to happen again anytime soon. Of course, when he was done eating, burping, and changing at 3 am I couldn't fall asleep for a couple hours. Why does my body do this to me? I don't get it!

Nate is averaging about 14.5 hours of sleep per day and everything I read says he should get 14-16 hours. He's fairly consistently been taking one good nap per day but is still struggling to sleep longer than 30 minutes for the rest of his naps. If I'm home in the afternoon and the timing works out, I have been using The Five S's to get him down for a nap around 3 pm and he's been sleeping a good 2-3 hours. He's still taking a little while to get to sleep at night but most nights he's asleep by 9 pm so I can't complain. Everything I've read says his bedtime will move up to around 8 pm (or even a little earlier) within the next couple months.

We're getting more and more smiles and coos. Alright, he's calling my name so I've gotta run. More later?

Phew...

...it's been a long week. Until yesterday afternoon, Nate had been having a pretty difficult time napping. It was next to impossible to get him to sleep during the day and when he did fall asleep, he only slept for a short time. For example, throughout the day on Wednesday he slept 26 min, 25 min, 15 min, and 15 min, and that's it! He has also been difficult to get to sleep at night most nights for about a week and I think it's because of the lack of sleep during the day. Today he napped much better but was still difficult to get to sleep tonight, although not as difficult as he has been a few days this week. I'm hoping we're over the hump.

Not sure if I've mentioned it but I'm taking a month of Family Leave and will go back to work at the beginning of October. I wanted to work on the first day of school to set a precedent and introduce myself to my students but the district won't let me; not exactly sure why. I've gone in twice in the last week and a half to prepare for the substitute and will need to go in one more time next week. It has been kinda nice to use my brain in a capacity other than talking about poop, burps, and Nate holding his head up, but I miss him so much when I'm away!

The official, educational meetings of my New Mom's Group will be over in two weeks but we have plans to stay in contact, meeting at least twice a month from here forward. Tomorrow Dan and I are going out to dinner with one of the other Moms, her baby, and her significant other. I can't even begin to describe how much more sane I feel when I'm around these ladies!

Ok I think this is going to have to be a short one. I've now corrected several spelling errors and I'm pretty tired so I think I'll go to bed soon.

My Advanced Little Boy

I can't believe it, but Nate rolled over today!!! And it wasn't the roll over that happened a few weeks ago - on the soft couch cushion that slanted in the direction that he rolled. This was a real roll. I put him on the floor for tummy time and he propped himself up with his fist and pushed himself over. I was so surprised and excited that it was happening, I didn't think to grab my phone and record it. Hopefully I'll get the second roll on camera. It's pretty ironic because we just attended a milestones class this morning and were told that the first rollover usually happens between 4-6 months. I can't wait for more milestones! Hopefully I'll get some firsts on camera.

"How Could I Forget?" She Says With a Smirk on Her Face

Rima was over on Wednesday and mentioned that she hadn't seen a blog post in a whle. I had completely forgotten about my blog! How could I possibly forget? Yeah right, you all know how it's possible. I have set a reminder on my phone to blog on Friday evenings.

Here's a rundown of my last hour - tag team Nate with Dan after Dan rocked him to sleep to get him swaddle in his pack and play so that he doesn't wake up; have frozen waffles and milk for dinner at 9 pm; quickly search online for the baby monitor manual because I don't want to waste the time finding it in the many piles that have accumulated around the house; pound a large glass of water because I realized I haven't had nearly enough today; get the baby monitor in our room so that I can hear Nate despite the dryer running; start typing a new entry here. And it's past my new bedtime (9:30 pm) so this is going to have to be quick!

Nate had his two month appointment today. He weighs 13 pounds 12 ounces (90th percentile) and is 23.25 inches long (75th percentile). I think he's actually longer; the nurse didn't really stretch him out all the way like the other nurses have in the past. The doctor was again impressed with how talkative he is and was really enjoying his coos. She checked his neck strength by putting him on his belly and seeing how much he raised his head. She said for his age, he should be able to lift his head to 45 degrees and that he was already almost to 90 degrees. That's my boy! We got some suggestions for dry skin, medications to have around the house, etc and then Nate got his shots. I've never heard him scream the way he did when he got his shots. I had leaned over to shush into his ear because he was already aggravated when the nurse was wiping the alcohol on his thigh so I didn't see when she gave him the injections but I could tell by his wail each time she did it. He had three shots and an oral fluid. I actually started crying a little because it pained me to see and hear him but he calmed down quickly and fell asleep fairly shortly afterward. I took him on a walk with one of the ladies from my Mommy group because I wanted to make sure he got a good nap in but it turns out I didn't need to; he continued to sleep when we got home for a total naptime of 3 hours and took another 3 hour nap in the afternoon. When he was awake, he was quicker to fuss and cried easier but I was able to soothe him each time. He ate really well at 7:30 pm, had a good, calm bath, and went to bed fairly quickly.

About a week and a half ago, we had three days where Nate went 6 hours between feedings at night. It was quite marvelous! I think I actually got a 4 hour stretch of sleep one night. The last 2-3 nights he's had a decent stretch at first (4-5 hours) but then wakes up every 3 hours afterward. Of course, he goes to bed pretty early so that first long stretch equates to only about 2.5-3 hours of sleep for me and then by the time he eats, the remaining 3 hour stretches are 2.5 hours at most. I think last night I got about 6 hours in three-2 hour intervals. I have commented that I was surprised how well I've dealt with the lack of sleep however it is definitely starting to get to me.

We have regressed a little bit with breastfeeding but the details are boring so I'll spare you. I feel confident that we've figured it out with the help of Hoag's Baby Line and hope that he will be back to being a champion eater very shortly.

I am continuing to enjoy being a part of the New Mom's Group and can't believe how much more sane I feel when I am with the ladies. We've attended a baby communication class, a parent movie morning, gone to the mall, and had many lunches together. Monday we are attending a milestones class and Wednesday we're going to the movies again.

I'm going to sign off now so that I can wash my face and go to bed. My poor teeth have suffered in the last two months. My dentist was so impressed with my 8-month-pregnant-teeth because I flossed every day but not so much anymore!

Oh, and please ignore typos from now on; I don't have the energy, time, or desire to proofread.

Smiley Baby!

We have definitely seen our first smiles! Nate is a very smiley boy in the morning. Sometimes he gives a little smirk when I give him his paci, like he knows something that I don't. I can't wait to get the first picture of a smile!

This week I have gotten into the shower with my underwear on and put my wallet in the freezer. Oh the joys of sleep deprivation. Mostly Nate is still sleeping well but we had a failry long growth spurt lasting from Saturday until Thursday. He went from eating every 3-4 hours during the day to every 1.5-2 hours and every 3.5-5 hours at night to every 2-3 hours. Wednesday he seemed to spread out a couple of his feedings but then Wednesday night he was up every two hours and he was hungry. Then Thursday night he slept 4.5 hours, ate, and went back to sleep but I was wide awake for some reason. So frustrating! Yesterday we took a nice long nap on the couch together; Nate was sleeping on my chest. That has become one of my favorite things in the world.

I can see that he's gotten longer and his clothes are telling me that, too. He's out of his newborn clothes and has been out of his newborn diapers for almost two weeks. He's also gained weight; he's almost 12 pounds! Yesterday we went to Urgent Care for a rash that started spreading and with his diaper and onesie on, he was 12.0 pounds (he's weighed without anything on at his regular pediatrician's office). That means he's gained almost 3 pounds in 4 weeks. I don't think he looks more chubby than he should, I think he's just a long, healthy boy. I can't wait until the doctor checks his length at his 2 month appointment on August 5.

Anyway, Nate has had a rash on the back of his neck for a while now that I thought was baby acne. It started spreading to his shoulders and yesterday I noticed it on his upper arm in the morning. By the time I bathed him at 6 pm it seemed to be spreading to his lower arm and I saw some light red dots on his belly, as well. I called our doctor and she said that because it's on his belly and lower arms and because he's so young, we should go into Urgent Care. I guess baby acne usually doesn't go beyond the upper arm and chest. Turns out that the new light red dots I saw on his lower arm and belly were nothing to be concerned about; they are indicative of a very normal rash that will go away on it's own. But the rash on his neck and shoulders needs to be treated with an anti-fungal cream and cortisone. She also suggested that we use the cream on his eyebrows and leg folds because his skin is very flakey there.

The New Moms Group is going really well. I am getting so much information not only from the woman who leads the group but also from the other new moms. For example, I've felt like I know when Nate's hungry for a while now but never really paid attention to his sleep cues. At the beginning, he slept almost all of the time and had no problem falling asleep on his own. For the last few weeks he's been awake more often and now I'm noticing that he might be sleepy but can't settle himself down enough to fall asleep at times. Now that I'm paying attention to it, I know when he needs to sleep and I can help him fall asleep. He seems to be going to bed earlier and has been easier to get back to sleep at night after feedings. So now I'm calling myself the Sleep Nazi! Several books that I've read suggest that he should be getting 3-4 naps for a total of 6-7 daytime sleep hours. The most he ever gets is 3 naps and rarely does he get 7 nap hours but I try to help him get at least 5-6 hours. This, of course, is making it more difficult to get out of the house but I think that at this stage, sleep and a routine are more important than anything. I still feed on demand but he is falling into a loose pattern of his naps. For example, he generally takes a morning nap starting sometime between 9:30-10:30 am.

We've Got a Sucker!

Nate has definitely become a sucker, and very quickly! On Monday I noticed him sucking on his fists at times when he probably wasn't hungry. And he found his thumb again and sucked it for quite a while. Tuesday at the doctor's office I asked if I should let him suck his thumb or introduce a pacifier; she said the pacifier is far better because you can take it away, however some kids suck their thumb until they're 4 or 5 years old and end up having dental problems. Nate fell asleep with the pacifier last night and took it late this afternoon for a nap, also.

On Sunday, Nate's eye got crusty after he slept and on Monday, it was crusty several times with yellow mucous and he was stuffed up, which prompted the doctor's appointment on Tuesday. The doctor said that his chest isn't congested and he doesn't have an ear infection but she gave us a prescription for eye drops. His eye is a thousand times better today. He's still congested but looking much better than on Monday.

We took a baby massage class today. I learned some strokes that will help with digestion and gas. Also, massage is a great thing to include in a daily bedtime routine. I've read that we should have a well established routine in place by the time Nate's 3 months old. Nate's not on any kind of feeding schedule yet and isn't expected to be for a while but I figure we can do the massage whenever he's done eating each night and hopefully that will signal bedtime for him after a short while.

Tomorrow I'm starting a New Mom's Group, which I'm really excited about. It's an 8 week program and is intended to be instructional but is also meant to help build lifelong connections. I'll write more about it after tomorrow.

On The Downhill...

We reached the peak of difficulty with breastfeeding and are on the downhill slope. We saw another lactation consultant at Hoag on Thursday and all news was good news. Nate ate almost exactly as much as he needed (based on his weight) in 12 minutes. The lactation consultant said, "You're not going to have a 40 minute eater." She said that we could stop using bottles after feedings but that Dan should feed Nate with a bottle once a day to keep Nate familiar with it so that it's not difficult when I go back to work. She also suggested that I cut back on pumping from 3-4 times per day to 1-2 times. I feel like I have been liberated!

Don't get me wrong, my life still revolves around feeding Nate but it is FAR less time consuming than it had been. I had commented that it was a full time job; I was spending an hour to an hour and a half at each feeding, eight times per day. Now Nate has been eating about every 3.5 hours during the day and every 3.5-5 hours at night, and the feedings take about 30 minutes. He has been awake more since we stopped giving him a bottle after feedings; I'm not exactly sure why. At night it still sometimes takes an hour to feed him and get him back to sleep but it's a lot more relaxing than the hour I was spending feeding, bottle feeding, pumping, and cleaning up. He still sometimes goes back to sleep fairly quickly.

The lactaction consultant also suggested that we show Nate pictures during his awake periods. For the last few days I've been showing him pictures in books and he seems to love it! He will actually scan the pages and he particularly likes pictures with lots of color contrast.

Nate and I made it out of the house on our own Thursday. I'm looking forward to having a bit more freedom now that feedings are going much more smoothly. I also went out on my own on Thursday. Dan stayed home with Nate while I went to a Tesoro end of year get together. It felt weird to leave the house without him; he's been with me nonstop for almost 10 months. But once I got out, it was fine.

Tonight Dan and I are celebrating our three year anniversary. Mom and Dan are coming over to watch Nate while we go for some sushi. We have never really been big on celebrating our anniversary with anything more than a nice dinner and cards to each other. I'm really looking forward to sushi and a Japanese beer!

Things That I Love

I love sleeping on the couch with Nate sleeping on my chest.

I love laying in bed holding Nate, rubbing his arm and back, waiting for his hiccups to go away so that he can go back to sleep.

I love kissing Nate all over his naked little body to wake him up while feeding him.

I love waking up in the morning and seeing his adorable face.

I love listening to the sounds that he makes.

I love watching him grow and become more aware of the world around him.

I love seeing the look of recognition on his face when he hears my voice.

I love holding him when he's wide awake and staring up at me, examining my face.

I love my little boy!

We Love to Sit and Stare... and Laugh

I loved sitting and staring at my belly as Nate was inside, kicking around and making it rumble. I love staring at him outside of the womb even more. I can't get enough of his adorable face and the funny faces that he makes with it: the furrowed brow, the "trying to open my eyes", the peaceful rest... I'm not sure when babies can actually smile as opposed to making the "gas smile", but I think I can tell the difference and I think I've seen a smile or two. Oh, and the poses that he gets himself into: the arms under the chin, the arms overhead, the debonaire one-arm-under-the-chin... I just can't get enough! I've caught Dan staring at him, as well.

I have to confess that Dan and I often sit and laugh at him, also. Actually, we laugh at the noises that come out of him. It started with the farting. I'll tell ya, this kid can fart! But he also makes tons of cute noises, too. Last night he was laying in his pack n play fully asleep and he was making this non-stop gurgling noise in his throat. It was 2 am after a feeding and I just couldn't help but bust out laughing. He sometimes makes a high pitched cooing noise that is just the best.

Sunday my Dad and Rebecca came over to do our newborn photo shoot. Dan was holding Nate with one arm, Nate's back was on Dan's chest and his body facing forward. All of a sudden, Nate started peeing, hitting my Dad right on target. Rebecca tried to put a blanket to the flow so that it wouldn't get on the floor but it was our nice blanket so I asked her not to, thinking that he would pee for a second and be done. Well apparently he had been holding it for a while because he peed so long that there was a substantial puddle on the floor. I just stood there, cracking up so hard that my eyes were watering. This happened about 30 minutes after he pooped on me, so I didn't feel badly for anybody in the line of fire.

Nate has been to the pediatrician twice. He was five days old at his first appointment, weighing 8 lbs 8 oz. He was well within the healthy weight loss zone; he could have gone all the way down to 8 lbs. The doctor sent us to Hoag to get his jaundice checked and because the level had risen since we left the hospital and was fairly close to the zone in which they would want to treat it, we had to go back the next day to check it again. The second time the level had gone down so the doctor said to just keep an eye on his coloring.

At his two week pediatrician appointment (technically he was 12 days old) he weighed 9 lbs and so was back past his birth weight, which is the goal for this appointment. Because he met this goal, we are okay to let him sleep 4-6 hours between feedings at night but need to continue feeding him every 2-3 hours during the day. The doctor was impressed with his alertness and responsiveness for his age; she said it was like he was having a conversation with her. My Mom had just said the same thing about an hour earlier. She went to the appointment with me since technically I still wasn't supposed to drive for another couple days and the appointment was right in the middle of the day, when Dan was at work. The doctor was also very happy with his coloring and confident that the jaundice was either gone or close to it. He will be two months at his next appointment and will be getting several immunizations, which I don't look forward to.

We have been having trouble getting Nate to eat enough off of the breast and have been supplementing with pumped breastmilk. If anybody would have told me that breastfeeding would be the most difficult thing I'd deal with as a new Mom, I would have thought they were crazy, but it is by far the most difficult part. And I don't think we have it all that bad compared to stories that I've read and heard from friends. It is time consuming and exhausting. We are seeing a lactation consultant from Hoag for a second time tomorrow and I'm really just hoping for some encouragement and to get an idea of when this might get a little easier. Right now I can't imagine leaving the house with him for more than just a short walk because his feeding schedule is pretty unpredictable. Sometimes he goes 2 hours between feedings and others it's 4 hours. Heck one night he went 6 hours and we actually had to wake him up. Yesterday he didn't need a bottle for half of his feedings, which was a definite improvement from needing a bottle after every feeding.

Nathan Michael ~ 6/5/11 12:48 pm ~ 8 lbs 14 oz, 22 inches

As I suspected, he decided to come early. However to my complete surprise, he is a "he". I was certain throughout the entire pregnancy that we were having a girl. I guess my intuition is not the greatest.

I woke up Saturday, June 4 feeling pretty icky. I thought maybe I needed some water or food so I drank a ton of water and forced myself to eat banana pancakes, even though I wasn't hungry. I just didn't feel right all morning and laid on the couch until about 3 pm. I was having more frequent contractions but I was still pretty certain they were Braxton-Hicks because they weren't really hurting. They were a bit stronger than the ones I had been having for months prior though.

Around 3 pm I asked Dan to go for a walk with me, thinking that if we were in the very early stages of labor a walk might kick start it. I told him that this just wasn't right - if I was in labor I should be having contractions that were painful and then a break in between. I knew that labor shouldn't have me feeling miserable nonstop for the entire day. Not long after we got home, I threw up. I felt fairly confident that this meant things were starting because I read that when labor starts, the digestive tract stops and it is common to throw up. I laid on the couch for a while longer and the contractions were coming much more frequently. We started timing them; the first two were 13 minutes apart, the next two were 9 minutes, and they quickly changed to 7 minutes apart and then 4-5 minutes apart. We decided that we needed to get the last items into the hospital bag and bake the brownies and cookies that I had purchased for the nurses. While we were doing this, I threw up again. I had only had a few sips of water but I couldn't keep anything down. I started feeling very thirsty and was concerned about dehydration so I asked Dan to call the doctor. By then the contractions had been 4-5 minutes apart for 30 minutes. The doctor said it sounded like I was in early labor and was concerned about dehydration, too, so he asked us to go to the hospital. I really wanted to labor at home longer and still felt like the contractions were too easy to get through, and thus couldn't be true labor contractions, but we needed to get fluids in me. We finished up what we were doing and headed out. We saw our neighbor on the way out, who has a 3 month old baby girl, and told her we didn't think we'd be bringing home a baby with this hospital trip.

We got to Hoag just after 7 pm, right when the shift of nurses was changing. We were put into a room and it took about 20 minutes for a nurse to come see us. It felt a lot longer than 20 minutes because I was feeling even more miserable than I had been. The nurse said that she didn't think I was in labor; she said I had a fever and thought that the dehydration and fever were causing the contractions. I was hooked up to an IV and two monitors, one to monitor the baby's heartrate and another to monitor the contractions. I noticed right away that his heartrate sounded high and said something but I don't think the nurse said anything at this point. I had planned on asking for a Hep Lock instead of an IV upon arriving at the hospital, but that plan went out the window, just like the plan to labor at home as long as possible. This trend would continue throughout our labor and delivery.

I continued to throw up everything I ingested (which consisted of ice chips and Vitamin Water) several times in the hospital and got an anti-nausea medicine through my IV. Around 8:30 pm the nurse came back in and said the doctor wanted to keep me another hour and gave me another bag of fluids. I don't think we knew it at this point, but Nate's heartbeat was still high and non-reactive, meaning when I moved his heartbeat didn't change. The contractions had all but stopped and I was feeling much better. At 9:30 pm the nurse came in and told us we were going to be having a baby soon. I looked at Dan, mouth wide open in surprise, as the nurse told us that since we were 39 weeks and the baby's heartrate was questionable, the doctor wanted to induce us. Looking back now, I know that we were induced because of the heartrate issues but I think I still didn't know at the time how concerned they were about it. She started the Pitocin right away and took some blood. We later found out that I had an infection of some sort, which was causing the fever and Nate's heartrate issues.

Eventually I was hydrated enough to need to use the restroom. I asked the nurse if I could stay off of the monitors for a little while and walk around; I had read that being mobile helps with labor pains and I was still hoping to have a natural labor, although I knew it was unlikely because the contractions are so much stronger with an induction. She told me that I had to stay on the monitors and that I could just stand next to my bed. I think this is when I started realizing that they were concerned.

The Pitocin didn't seem to be doing anything for us but I was incredibly uncomfortable in the hospital bed and was unable to sleep. The waiting game continued. Around 2:45 am the nurse came in and told us that they were going to break my water because we hadn't really made any progress in labor. This was something that I wanted to avoid but because the labor was completely artificial, it had to be done. I was having some contractions but they weren't very close together and I hadn't dilated any further. I called my Mom to come to the hospital; I knew that once my water was broken I was going to need extra support. They broke my water around 3:15 am and my Mom arrived very shortly afterward. Things almost immediately started moving faster. Contractions came closer together and became more intense but I felt like I was handling them very well. The first few strong ones came while I was in bed and they were pretty tough so I decided to sit on the birth ball and was amazed at how much more comfortable I was. I spent some time standing up and leaning on Dan but ultimately, sitting on the birth ball was most comfortable. And then the contractions got BAD. They were off the charts on the monitor, lasting about a minute, and I only had about 30-45 seconds in between them. I had been awake almost 24 hours with a fever of 101 and felt like I had the flu. I knew that I wouldn't have much energy for pushing if I didn't get some rest and I wasn't going to get rest without an epidural.

The nurse came in and I said something that made her realize I had reached my limit so she checked me and said I was 4 cm dilated, which would be a good time to get an epidural. Fortunately the anesthesiologist was on the floor and finishing up another epidural so I didn't have to wait long however the few contractions that came while we were waiting were excruciating. I had gotten back in bed so that the nurse could check me and at one point, I literally punched the bed railing because I was in so much pain. The nurse turned down the Pitocin while we waited and offered an IV pain medicine. I really hadn't wanted any IV pain medicine but I knew we had a long way to go before the baby was born so I wasn't concerned about him being groggy when he came out and I took the drugs. It almost immediately made the contractions much easier to bear and the anesthesiologist was there very shortly after. The contractions slowed down a bit, too, because of the decreased Pitocin. I honestly don't even remember much about getting the epidural and was happy very shortly afterward. I did have to get a little extra medication in the epidural because it wasn't completely taking away the pain on the left side but once I did, I was in heaven and was able to get some rest. So again, the plan that I had went out the window with the IV pain meds and the epidural.

I don't remember a whole lot between the time I got the epidural and when we started pushing. My Dad and Rebecca showed up at some point and hung out for a while. The nurse checked me at 9:30 am and said I was complete but that she wanted me to "labor down" for an hour, meaning we'd let the contractions pull the baby down before we started pushing. I think I took that hour to get some more rest. At 10:30 am we started pushing and the nurse had us stop at 11 am. She later told us that she was concerned because she could tell the baby was big and she didn't want his head to get stuck before the doctor arrived. She told us he would be there any time and went out of the room. For quite a while, Nate's heartrate had been in the normal range but while we were pushing, it became elevated again. Dan and I sat in the room for 30 minutes and I watched the monitor nonstop, hoping it would show me that his heartrate was going down. I was so nervous that the doctor wouldn't give me much time to push if Nate's heartrate continued to be elevated and I was really worried that I was going to need a c-section.

The doctor and the nurse came back at around 11:30 am and the doctor directed me for a few pushes. He said I was 50/50 for a c-section and if I didn't have one, we'd end up with a forceps delivery. What?! Exactly the opposite of what I wanted to hear. He told me that he'd give me an hour to push and see how much progress we could make. That next hour was a ton of work. The nurse was very encouraging and said that I was doing a great job pushing but that the baby wasn't in the optimal position and she wasn't sure where he was getting stuck. I was bound and determined to push this baby out and did everything that I physically could to be the best pusher on the planet. After about 45 minutes had passed, the nurse said that we weren't going to need a c-section but I still wanted to hear it from the doctor. She went out at 12:30 pm and as she was leaving she said we were going to impress the doctor with how much progress we had made. He came in and was very impressed - no c-section!!! I think I didn't realize just how much progress we had made because I asked him how much longer he was going to let me push. Nate's heartrate had been back in the normal range and he said he'd let me push as long as needed. At some point in the next 18 minutes he also told me that we weren't going to need forceps but that he'd need to do an episiotomy, not ideal but a definite upgrade.

The rest is even more of a blur than everything up to now. I remember saying, "Whoa" when I felt his shoulders come out. We didn't have the typical movie "It's a boy!" moment. There was a lot of commotion because of all of the issues that we had had up until this point. Nate was put on my chest and I asked the nurse if we knew what we had. She said, "Oh yeah" and spread his legs, then announced that we had a boy. Dan had gotten slightly lightheaded because he saw lots of blood as Nate was born and didn't hear the announcement. He was only on my chest for enough time to take two pictures and then they took him away because he wasn't responding well. His arms were a bit floppy and he was wimpering instead of letting out a wail. I couldn't take my eyes off of him and the minute or two that passed while we waited for that wail felt like an hour. When he finally did wail, I finally started crying. I have tears in my eyes thinking about it now. The next thing I knew the doctor, who had been working on me, was turned around and concerned about Nate, then they were calling the NICU. The NICU doctor was down in what felt like a nanosecond somehow and was able to piss Nate off very quickly. He got Nate moving around and responsive and felt confident that he didn't need to go to the NICU. But very shortly after he left, Nate started getting red splotches on his skin. They told us that he needed to go to the nursery and they were going to have the NICU doctor check him out again. They were concerned that the infection had spread to him or that he was affected by the fever I had. My doctor asked for the placenta to be analyzed, also.

All of this was happening as I was getting stitched up. My doctor continued to work as Dan went to the nursery with Nate; it felt like he was working on me for 30 minutes and it was very uncomfortable! The room had been chaotic and full of doctors and nurses and then all of a sudden it was just me and the nurse who had been with me throughout the delivery. It felt so weird not to have Nate and Dan there with me and was difficult to deal with, but once everything was cleaned up I made a phone call to the waiting room and my whole family was with me. They were surprised to see the empty room when they walked in so I went about explaining what had happened since they left. About an hour and a half after Nate was delivered, the nurse took me up to the nursery to see him and then we checked into our room on the Mother/Baby Unit. Everybody had a different answer when we asked how long it would be before Nate got to join us in the room, but it ended up being just about 4 hours; he was with us at 5 pm. The wait made the entire thing seem so unreal but when he finally joined us, we felt complete!