Second Bites Were a Bit Messy

He's really not as miserable as he looks. Nate was smiling right before the flash blinded him and he looked down, which is why he looks miserable in this shot. I decided to give him some cereal before bed last night. He was a little grumpy because it was almost bedtime and he didn't want to sit in his high chair so I sat with him in my lap. That arrangement made it much more difficult to avoid a mess!

First Food!

This morning Nate had his first food. After a couple days of eating and pooping a ton as well as waking up two to three times in the middle of the night to eat, we decided that we needed to start Nate on solids. His doctor has a very detailed way that she likes to introduce solids; she suggested that we start with rice cereal in the morning for a week, then add rice cereal before bed for another week, then start introducing vegetables. I'm not sure if we'll make it a full week before adding the evening rice cereal because waking up to feed Nate while working is a lot harder than it was when I wasn't working. I'm tired! I'm hoping that if we give him cereal before bed he'll go back to being our professional sleeper again.

He seemed to really enjoy the rice cereal. I can't wait to give him more interesting options. I added a dash or cinnamon to the rice cereal to make it a bit more flavorful. At first he didn't really know what he thought about it but before long, he was leaning forward to get to the spoon and even opened his mouth wide to get the food in his mouth a few times. I thought he'd end up with more food on him then in his tummy but he did a really good job of eating!

Here's the link to the video of Nate's first bites: http://youtu.be/nCN0UqkyeQQ.

He's also been in our bed four nights out of the last six. I don't think I made him sick the other night when I thought I did. He was acting the same the next day, then had two great nights, and has had two weird nights again. He'll sleep for a little while after eating then wakes up either to eat again or just be held and will fall right back to sleep, however when we put him down in his crib he's instantly up crying again. If we bring him into our bed, he'll sleep. He's still rubbing his face a ton but the only thing I can associate that with is him being tired. It only happens at night and occasionally when he's overtired for a nap during the day. His skin looks normal so I don't think it's any kind of irritation. His nose is clear so I don't think it's congestion. I really don't want this to become a habit however there's no way I can stay awake in the middle of the night to try to get him in his crib. We've done it a few times and it has always ended up with one of us being awake for 1-2 hours followed by bringing Nate into our bed anyway.

I got good news yesterday that had funny timing. The principal came into my room to tell me that I'm being recommended for probationary status at the November school board meeting, which would mean I'll have tenure next year. This is another thing to add to the "cons list" of quitting at the end of this school year. We'll see, I've got time to figure it out.

Nate is dying to sit up! He can sit propped on the couch now for a while before he tips to one side or the other. When he's laying down, he's often arching forward using his stomach muscles to try to pull himself up. This kid is strong, I tell ya! He's also getting really crazy in his bouncer. He's in it right now, bouncing like a mad man. My Mom thinks all of the activity is making him hungrier in addition to just being a big boy. Even though he had rice cereal after his first feeding today, he still ate again 3 hours afterward. Three hours after breastfeeding, only about 2 hours after his cereal. I don't know if my body can keep up with this demand!

He's also started doing this dramatic cough pretty often. Eh, eh! I don't know if he's trying to get attention or choking on his spit but it's really cute.

Alright, I can't concentrate on this right now so I need to sign off.

I Think I Made My Poor Kiddo Sick!

Last night we had major tummy issues to deal with. After a long day with not enough naptime, we started Nate's bedtime routine about 30 minutes early and he fell asleep early, around 6 pm. When he woke up after 45 minutes I just figured he needed more to eat and would go back to sleep for the night. He woke up two more times before I realized that we were in for a rough night.

In fear of not having enough breastmilk for him, I packed a bottle for Nate when we left to go to Laguna Beach for my Mom's birthday around noon yesterday. I intended on feeding him the bottle in the car or right when we got there but he didn't want it and then he fell asleep. Long story short, I gave him the bottle later than I should have; I let the bottle stay unrefrigerated longer than the recommended hour. Again, I was afraid that I didn't have anything for him if I put him to the breast so I gave him the bottle when I should have just fed him whatever I had to tide him over until we got home and then fed him a fresh bottle.

I felt terribly for him last night as he continued to wake up in discomfort and cried anytime I laid him flat. I slept with him in the rocking chair for a little while and then propped up on some pillows in our bed but neither of us got much good sleep. He was pooping a ton all night and it was clearly his stomach that was the problem. At 1:30 am I called for a substitute teacher because I knew that even if Nate was feeeling better in the morning, I didn't want him to be at daycare running on very little sleep. And I knew I'd be pretty worthless at work, too. By the time he woke up around 6 am he was able to fall back asleep laying flat and he stayed with Dan while I ran into work around 7 am to prep for the substitute. He continued to poop a ton throughout the morning but otherwise was acting like he usually does. Well, except for the lack of naps. He only slept for 40 minutes all day. I think that when he's overtired he has an incredibly difficult time falling asleep. He was in a surprisingly good mood all the way through the evening considering how little sleep he had gotten. We started bedtime early again tonight and he fell asleep about 30 minutes earlier than usual. I'm hoping that he's eaten enough to stay asleep all night and get some good rest! Poor kid needs it.

I think that if my supply issue continues, I'm going to introduce him to formula so that this doesn't happen again. That way I can keep a water bottle and a little bit of formula in the diaper bag and mix it up whenever he needs it. He only had the two bad ounces that I gave him yesterday and didn't need a bottle at all today so I'm hoping that I've been able to get my supply up and it will stay up despite being back at work tomorrow.

This whole experience has made me realize that I am so much happier at home with Nate. Dan came home after stopping at Trader Joe's on his way home. Nate was in his swing and I knew he wouldn't be happy there for long because he was so tired so I started singing a song about putting the groceries away. Dan came in from getting the second load out of his car and said he was glad I was in such a good mood. I hadn't realized it until then but I was in a very good mood even though I am very tired.

What to Do, What to Do?

I am pretty certain that I'm going to go part time starting in February. I'll be teaching one fewer classes and will make 1/6 less money but have full benefits, which shouldn't be a problem for us. The debate is about what to do next year. For the first two weeks back at work I seriously thought the only option that I'd be happy with would be to sell our house (it's going to be too small for us pretty soon anyway) and rent something cheaper for 3-5 years so that I can quit teaching for that time. Then once the kiddos are off to school (or preschool) I'd go back to teaching and we'd buy a house.

This week I started thinking about getting back to work in 3-5 years and trying to work my way back up to Calculus wherever I end up. Teaching wouldn't be the same for me if I couldn't teach Calculus. This got me thinking that maybe I should continue teaching 2-3classes while the babies grow up, not quit working completely. We would have to pay a portion of our health benefits but I think it would be very expensive to insure all of us through Dan's job anyway and the health benefits through my job are very good.

So I'm torn. I think that being part time in the Spring will help me decide. I'll also have to find out how expensive benefits would be if I taught fewer classes. I think talking to a real estate agent is a good idea, also. I don't even know if we could sell our house for enough to pay our mortgage, let alone get our down payment back. And it would be nice to know if the agent thought we'd be able to sell for more sometime in the near future or not. If we'd have to stay here for five more years before we could sell what we bought for, I'd know that we're not going to be able to make our money back because we can't live here that long with two kids. I know, I keep mentioning kids in plural. No, I don't have something to tell you. But we do hope to have a second in the not so distant future.

Alright, onto what you're here for. Nate is developing so quickly! And he seems to be growing before my eyes. I'm still producing less milk but today seemed like it was a bit better than any day in the last week. I've been sad about needing to give him a bottle before bed but the other night he started rubbing my arm while he was eating. I sat with my cheek on the top of his head and felt almost the same bond that I feel while he's breastfeeding. Today I was having a similar experience; he was rubbing my arm with one hand and holding onto my thumb with the other, I had my cheek on the top of his head. He fell asleep and I moved him to my shoulder, then all of a sudden he let out a huge burp! I had a difficult time containing the laugh that I wanted to let out.

Liana, our daycare provider, told me on Wednesday that she thinks Nate's teething. Today he was doing some weird things in what seemed to be desperation to get something into his mouth to chew on. He's been chewing on his thumb and anything else he can get into his mouth for a couple weeks. Wish me luck and little pain for Nate!

Nate has also taken on a huge interest in food lately. Today Dan picked up bagel sandwiches for us after my run this morning and we sat at the table together, Nate was sitting in my lap. Every single time I lifted either the sandwich or the Chai tea I got to my mouth, Nate followed it not just with his eyes but completely moved his head to follow the food into my mouth. That's one of the signs that he's ready for solids. He hasn't seemed hungrier though, which was the main thing that our doctor wants us to wait for. If the timing works out, I'm thinking that we'll introduce cereal in the morning over my three day Veteran's day weekend, do that for about 5 days, then introduce cereal before bed for about 5 days, and then Nate will get to have his first vegetable during the week of Thanksgiving! (Our doctor was very specific about how she wants us to introduce solids. I know people do it all different ways but I'm going to try to follow her advice.) I am very excited about introducing solids and need to get a high chair or booster seat. I'm planning on making his food and am really looking forward to that, too.

I really need to get serious about training for the half marathon on Super Bowl Sunday. I'm only running 3.5 miles once a week. Two weeks ago I was planning on adding a run on Wednesday or Thursday in the evening after Nate went to bed but the first week was when we had the heat wave (it was 85 at 8 pm) and last week I was waking up every three hours to pump so there was no way I was doing anything physical. I am also trying to get back into the swing of things with preparing meals. I have been making easy meals and a couple slow cooker meals but am still heating up a couple prepared or freezer meals from Trader Joe's per week. I'd like to cut those out to cut our grocery bill.

I've figured out that I can't keep up with pumping every three hours at night while working and have decided that I'll wake up at most once a night to pump. If my supply continues to diminish, we'll use the milk that we have in the freezer and then supplement with formula. My goal had been to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months but about a month and a half ago I decided that I'd like to try to do it longer than that. Now with the way my body is responding to going back to work, I'm hoping I can make it 6 months and am disappointed that I might not get to choose when I stop.

Alright, I'm pretty sleepy and need to get to bed. I wasn't able to blog last night because I was exhausted from waking up every three hours all week!

He's Growing Up Too Quickly!

I had a little bit of an emotional meltdown last night. I put Nate down in his crib and for the third time in his life, he fell asleep on his own. I remember thinking that he was getting so "mature." About an hour later he started crying in his sleep and I ran upstairs to comfort him. I was amazed at how much his cry has changed; he no longer sounds like a newborn but more like a baby. I picked him up and swayed with him in my arms and almost immediately started crying myself. I started thinking about the time when I won't be holding him anymore and then started thinking about when he won't need me as much. I know that both of those things are going to come all too quickly. That moment is the one that happens more and more, which makes me want to be a stay at home Mommy.

I'm having a bit of a milk supply issue and thought it was from going back to work and pumping more. I called Hoag's Baby Line today and the lactaction consultant helped me realize that it's probably from a combination of stress and the longer nights that Nate has been having. He started sleeping longer stretches the week before I went back to work. She suggested that I wake up every 3 hours to pump, which should increase my supply. I thought I was off the hook for waking up and would have a nice, restful weekend but I guess not. On one hand I understand why people stop breastfeeding because it's a lot of work, but on the other I hope that I am not forced to stop sooner than I'm ready because I love it so much. Until recently I didn't truly love it but I will be really upset if my body decides that it's done. It is such a great bonding experience and I hope to be able to do it for a while longer. My body has responded pretty quickly to changes so I'm hoping that it will continue to respond quickly when I pump more often.

This morning Nate woke up a little bit earlier than usual after going to bed about an hour later than usual last night. When I went upstairs I realized why. I reached into his crib and he was laying on his belly! He has rolled from his belly to his back three times but hasn't done it in quite a while. This morning was the first time that he has ever rolled from his back to his belly and he got stuck! Looks like we really need to make sure he's getting tummy time so that he doesn't get stuck again.

This weekend I'm going to look at our budget to figure out if we can afford me to go part time second semester. One of the new teachers that got hired this year only teaches four classes because there weren't enough sections for her to work full time. I have been thinking about offering to drop a class period and give it to her so that I can spend more time with Nate. I spoke with the Assistant Principal in charge of the schedule and she said she doesn't have a problem with it so I need to figure out if it's realistic for us. I really have my heart set on it so I'm hoping we can make it work.

Well, usually I would be headed off to bed right now but I need to stay up one more hour to pump. I figure that's easier than going to sleep and waking up after only an hour. Please keep your fingers crossed that this plan works and my supply increases!

Funny Baby

Nate has started laughing more and makinn more of the cutest noises. His newest thing is to roll backward, arch his back, and check out what's behind him when he's done eating. Or when he's bored or distracted for that reason. Tonight we were sitting in the rocker in his bedroom finishing up his bedtime feeding and he rolled back. I usually let him lay with his back arched for a minute or two so he can see whatever it was that he was looking at. Within half a minute I realized he had fallen asleep! It was pretty cute and funny.

We've had a pretty good bedtime routine going for a while now. We eat dinner around 5:30 pm with Nate in his bouncer on the table and the Soft Rock station playing on Pandora. We start Nate's bath between 6 and 6:30 pm, depending on when the yawns start. After bath time, I take him upstairs and lotion him up (he has dry skin like his Mom) while signing Soul Sister by Train or whatever great song is playing on Pandora. I put his diaper and pajamas on and then sit in the rocker with Goodnight Moon. Nate really enjoys that book and stares at the pictures in it. Today he was making soft noises at it while I read. After his book he eats and then goes to sleep.

I continue to feel like the luckiest Mommy on the planet for so many reasons that I'm afraid to list again in fear of jinxing myself.

Back to Work

Oh man, it's been an emotionally tough week. I went back to work on Monday. I was surprised to feel okay about dropping Nate off at daycare and was reminded how much I love my job throughout the day. When I picked him up and he didn't seem excited to see me, I was a little bit sad. When he wouldn't look at me for the rest of the day, I was more than a little bit sad. When he smiled immediately upon seeing Dan and made eye contact with him, I wanted to quit my job and become a stay at home Mom. I'm finding myself rushing out of work to spend time with Nate before he falls asleep at 7 pm, which makes me feel like I'm not only not being a great Mom but I'm also not being a great teacher. I came up with a new 5-7 year plan on Monday or Tuesday. We sell our house, rent a larger place for less (because I know we can based on what friends are doing), I quit my job and raise babies, and then I get back into teaching when they're in school and we buy again.

Things were definitely easier when I was leaving Nate with Dan knowing that my Mom was on the way to watch him instead of dropping him off at daycare. Dan and Nate got to spend some quality one-on-one time together for an hour or so and I knew Nate was getting great attention throughout the day. I feel comfortable with the daycare that we chose but I will always have doubts; it's just the way I am. Nate loves Leanna, the primary caregiver, and if anything, they are actually holding him too much. I was worried that he would be left in his pack n play to cry while other kids were attended to but every time I've been there they've been holding him and on Tuesday Leanna said that they figured out he likes to be walked around. My Mom said it seems like he wanted to be held more than usual on Thursday and Friday. I'm hoping it's just an adjustment period; I had gotten him to be a little more independent, playing on his playmat or in his swing for 30-45 minutes at a time. It's difficult to tell if he's wanting to be held more at home because he got his 4 month shots yesterday and had a temperature last night and today. He was fussier than usual and I was willing to hold him more than usual because of the circumstances.

Yesterday when we put him to bed his temperature was 99.5; today it got up to 101. I was surprised to find out that babies don't need to be seen until their temperature goes up to 105! (I called the nurse line twice.) He was only slightly fussy and mostly slept more during the day today and yesterday. He slept a bit less than what has become usual last night so I'm expecting the same tonight. I should probably get to bed soon!

This afternoon Nate fell asleep while eating so I took the opportunity to have him nap on my chest. I slinked my way down to a slightly reclined position, like I used to do all of the time when he was a baby (I always say that, referring to when he was newborn). For a while now he hasn't liked sleeping on my chest with me in the reclined position but he slept like that today for 2 hours. I was able to take a nap with him sleeping on my chest, like the good ole days. It's amazing to me that my little baby cakes is only 4 months old and there are already things that I miss doing with him! It was so nice to spend that time snuggling with him, especially after my first week back at work.

Right now I feel torn between a job that I love and spending time with my baby that I will never get back. I lean towards leading a simpler life and spending the time with him but know that I need to give it more time. If I did decide to stay home, I would have to finish out this school year or risk having a very difficult time finding a job when I do decide to go back to work. I have a contract for the year that I need to honor.

Am I Ready for This?

I can't believe it's here already. I go back to work tomorrow, two days before Nate's 4 month birthday. I am excited to get back to a job that I love but incredibly sad that my daily time with Nate is going to be so much shorter. I'm afraid that I'm going to miss so much, that he won't be as happy, that he'll get sick all of the time, that he won't love me as much... The list is endless. I feel confident in the daycare that we are sending him to and am so happy that my Mom is going to watch him twice a week but this is still incredibly difficult. Everyone keeps telling me that it's going to be harder on me than on him. Today I'm skipping the monthly meeting of the Mommies and Daddies so that I can spend a quiet day at home with Nate.

Alright, enough of that. I'm sure I'll be crying plenty this week so I don't need to be doing it now.

I bought Nate a new set of socks that have an argyle design on them; one pair is black, white, and red. He took particular interest in those and was playing with his foot for quite some time the other day. I wonder if he'll be a toe sucking baby soon. I'll definitely need to get some video of that if he is.

On Thursday, my Mom came over to watch Nate so that I could get a facial (the first part of a Groupon that Dan got me for Mother's Day). She was sitting with him on the couch when I got back and all of a sudden Nate found his voice. He seemed startled, surprised, and interested by it with the first few sounds that he made. The look on his face was priceless and I wish I would have gotten it on video but I did record video of it as quickly as I could. It was so cute! He has been talking away ever since then. This morning we went to Trader Joe's and I was talking to the nice man at the register about his daughter. He said he is worried about when she starts bringing boys around "like you" (to Nate) and Nate let out an excited yelp. He hadn't made a peep the entire time we were there until then. It was pretty funny. He had been making sounds prior to this but these noises have much more to them.

He is sucking on his fists and fingers far more lately and I'll often hear him wake up at night, stick a finger in his mouth, and fall back to sleep. Despite the doctor recommending a pacifier over sucking his thumb, I'm glad he prefers his own hands for that reason. He's also started pulling my fingers (and everything else around him) into his mouth and biting down. I don't know if this is just a new thing in his development or if it's a sign that he's going to start teething soon. I really hope that he holds off on teething.

I can't believe it but this almost 4 month old baby is outgrowing his 6 month clothes! They still fit but won't for long. Yesterday I put him in a 6-9 month onesie and it was loose in the shoulders but the length was almost too short. He's going to be a very tall boy!

Friday is Nate's 4 month appointment so we'll get to find out just how big he is. He also has to get another round of shots, which makes me sad, but he handled them better than I did last time. Because of a communication error his appointment had to be rescheduled from last Friday, when I was off work, to this Friday morning, when I'm working. Fortunately I think the timing will work out okay. My conference period is from 9-10 am (second period) and his appointment is at 8:30 am. I have somebody covering the end of my first period so that I can get to the office around 8:45 am (the doctor is never on time) and I also have somebody covering SSR at the beginning of third period for me in case the appointment runs long. My Mom will be watching him that day which makes me feel much better about not being around after his shots.

It's funny, the lady who ran the formal meetings of my Mom's Group said something on the first day about babies not knowing that they are a separate being from their Mom until they are a certain age (I don't remember the age but I hope it's already passed). I'm feeling like I haven't quite figured out that Nate's a separate being from me.

Well, I'm going to sign off because he should be waking from his nap anytime now. Wish me luck for the upcoming week please!

Here's Nate finding his voice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4zWDGAkQZw