I had a little bit of an emotional meltdown last night. I put Nate down in his crib and for the third time in his life, he fell asleep on his own. I remember thinking that he was getting so "mature." About an hour later he started crying in his sleep and I ran upstairs to comfort him. I was amazed at how much his cry has changed; he no longer sounds like a newborn but more like a baby. I picked him up and swayed with him in my arms and almost immediately started crying myself. I started thinking about the time when I won't be holding him anymore and then started thinking about when he won't need me as much. I know that both of those things are going to come all too quickly. That moment is the one that happens more and more, which makes me want to be a stay at home Mommy.
I'm having a bit of a milk supply issue and thought it was from going back to work and pumping more. I called Hoag's Baby Line today and the lactaction consultant helped me realize that it's probably from a combination of stress and the longer nights that Nate has been having. He started sleeping longer stretches the week before I went back to work. She suggested that I wake up every 3 hours to pump, which should increase my supply. I thought I was off the hook for waking up and would have a nice, restful weekend but I guess not. On one hand I understand why people stop breastfeeding because it's a lot of work, but on the other I hope that I am not forced to stop sooner than I'm ready because I love it so much. Until recently I didn't truly love it but I will be really upset if my body decides that it's done. It is such a great bonding experience and I hope to be able to do it for a while longer. My body has responded pretty quickly to changes so I'm hoping that it will continue to respond quickly when I pump more often.
This morning Nate woke up a little bit earlier than usual after going to bed about an hour later than usual last night. When I went upstairs I realized why. I reached into his crib and he was laying on his belly! He has rolled from his belly to his back three times but hasn't done it in quite a while. This morning was the first time that he has ever rolled from his back to his belly and he got stuck! Looks like we really need to make sure he's getting tummy time so that he doesn't get stuck again.
This weekend I'm going to look at our budget to figure out if we can afford me to go part time second semester. One of the new teachers that got hired this year only teaches four classes because there weren't enough sections for her to work full time. I have been thinking about offering to drop a class period and give it to her so that I can spend more time with Nate. I spoke with the Assistant Principal in charge of the schedule and she said she doesn't have a problem with it so I need to figure out if it's realistic for us. I really have my heart set on it so I'm hoping we can make it work.
Well, usually I would be headed off to bed right now but I need to stay up one more hour to pump. I figure that's easier than going to sleep and waking up after only an hour. Please keep your fingers crossed that this plan works and my supply increases!
Friday, October 14, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Funny Baby
Nate has started laughing more and makinn more of the cutest noises. His newest thing is to roll backward, arch his back, and check out what's behind him when he's done eating. Or when he's bored or distracted for that reason. Tonight we were sitting in the rocker in his bedroom finishing up his bedtime feeding and he rolled back. I usually let him lay with his back arched for a minute or two so he can see whatever it was that he was looking at. Within half a minute I realized he had fallen asleep! It was pretty cute and funny.
We've had a pretty good bedtime routine going for a while now. We eat dinner around 5:30 pm with Nate in his bouncer on the table and the Soft Rock station playing on Pandora. We start Nate's bath between 6 and 6:30 pm, depending on when the yawns start. After bath time, I take him upstairs and lotion him up (he has dry skin like his Mom) while signing Soul Sister by Train or whatever great song is playing on Pandora. I put his diaper and pajamas on and then sit in the rocker with Goodnight Moon. Nate really enjoys that book and stares at the pictures in it. Today he was making soft noises at it while I read. After his book he eats and then goes to sleep.
I continue to feel like the luckiest Mommy on the planet for so many reasons that I'm afraid to list again in fear of jinxing myself.
We've had a pretty good bedtime routine going for a while now. We eat dinner around 5:30 pm with Nate in his bouncer on the table and the Soft Rock station playing on Pandora. We start Nate's bath between 6 and 6:30 pm, depending on when the yawns start. After bath time, I take him upstairs and lotion him up (he has dry skin like his Mom) while signing Soul Sister by Train or whatever great song is playing on Pandora. I put his diaper and pajamas on and then sit in the rocker with Goodnight Moon. Nate really enjoys that book and stares at the pictures in it. Today he was making soft noises at it while I read. After his book he eats and then goes to sleep.
I continue to feel like the luckiest Mommy on the planet for so many reasons that I'm afraid to list again in fear of jinxing myself.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Back to Work
Oh man, it's been an emotionally tough week. I went back to work on Monday. I was surprised to feel okay about dropping Nate off at daycare and was reminded how much I love my job throughout the day. When I picked him up and he didn't seem excited to see me, I was a little bit sad. When he wouldn't look at me for the rest of the day, I was more than a little bit sad. When he smiled immediately upon seeing Dan and made eye contact with him, I wanted to quit my job and become a stay at home Mom. I'm finding myself rushing out of work to spend time with Nate before he falls asleep at 7 pm, which makes me feel like I'm not only not being a great Mom but I'm also not being a great teacher. I came up with a new 5-7 year plan on Monday or Tuesday. We sell our house, rent a larger place for less (because I know we can based on what friends are doing), I quit my job and raise babies, and then I get back into teaching when they're in school and we buy again.
Things were definitely easier when I was leaving Nate with Dan knowing that my Mom was on the way to watch him instead of dropping him off at daycare. Dan and Nate got to spend some quality one-on-one time together for an hour or so and I knew Nate was getting great attention throughout the day. I feel comfortable with the daycare that we chose but I will always have doubts; it's just the way I am. Nate loves Leanna, the primary caregiver, and if anything, they are actually holding him too much. I was worried that he would be left in his pack n play to cry while other kids were attended to but every time I've been there they've been holding him and on Tuesday Leanna said that they figured out he likes to be walked around. My Mom said it seems like he wanted to be held more than usual on Thursday and Friday. I'm hoping it's just an adjustment period; I had gotten him to be a little more independent, playing on his playmat or in his swing for 30-45 minutes at a time. It's difficult to tell if he's wanting to be held more at home because he got his 4 month shots yesterday and had a temperature last night and today. He was fussier than usual and I was willing to hold him more than usual because of the circumstances.
Yesterday when we put him to bed his temperature was 99.5; today it got up to 101. I was surprised to find out that babies don't need to be seen until their temperature goes up to 105! (I called the nurse line twice.) He was only slightly fussy and mostly slept more during the day today and yesterday. He slept a bit less than what has become usual last night so I'm expecting the same tonight. I should probably get to bed soon!
This afternoon Nate fell asleep while eating so I took the opportunity to have him nap on my chest. I slinked my way down to a slightly reclined position, like I used to do all of the time when he was a baby (I always say that, referring to when he was newborn). For a while now he hasn't liked sleeping on my chest with me in the reclined position but he slept like that today for 2 hours. I was able to take a nap with him sleeping on my chest, like the good ole days. It's amazing to me that my little baby cakes is only 4 months old and there are already things that I miss doing with him! It was so nice to spend that time snuggling with him, especially after my first week back at work.
Right now I feel torn between a job that I love and spending time with my baby that I will never get back. I lean towards leading a simpler life and spending the time with him but know that I need to give it more time. If I did decide to stay home, I would have to finish out this school year or risk having a very difficult time finding a job when I do decide to go back to work. I have a contract for the year that I need to honor.
Things were definitely easier when I was leaving Nate with Dan knowing that my Mom was on the way to watch him instead of dropping him off at daycare. Dan and Nate got to spend some quality one-on-one time together for an hour or so and I knew Nate was getting great attention throughout the day. I feel comfortable with the daycare that we chose but I will always have doubts; it's just the way I am. Nate loves Leanna, the primary caregiver, and if anything, they are actually holding him too much. I was worried that he would be left in his pack n play to cry while other kids were attended to but every time I've been there they've been holding him and on Tuesday Leanna said that they figured out he likes to be walked around. My Mom said it seems like he wanted to be held more than usual on Thursday and Friday. I'm hoping it's just an adjustment period; I had gotten him to be a little more independent, playing on his playmat or in his swing for 30-45 minutes at a time. It's difficult to tell if he's wanting to be held more at home because he got his 4 month shots yesterday and had a temperature last night and today. He was fussier than usual and I was willing to hold him more than usual because of the circumstances.
Yesterday when we put him to bed his temperature was 99.5; today it got up to 101. I was surprised to find out that babies don't need to be seen until their temperature goes up to 105! (I called the nurse line twice.) He was only slightly fussy and mostly slept more during the day today and yesterday. He slept a bit less than what has become usual last night so I'm expecting the same tonight. I should probably get to bed soon!
This afternoon Nate fell asleep while eating so I took the opportunity to have him nap on my chest. I slinked my way down to a slightly reclined position, like I used to do all of the time when he was a baby (I always say that, referring to when he was newborn). For a while now he hasn't liked sleeping on my chest with me in the reclined position but he slept like that today for 2 hours. I was able to take a nap with him sleeping on my chest, like the good ole days. It's amazing to me that my little baby cakes is only 4 months old and there are already things that I miss doing with him! It was so nice to spend that time snuggling with him, especially after my first week back at work.
Right now I feel torn between a job that I love and spending time with my baby that I will never get back. I lean towards leading a simpler life and spending the time with him but know that I need to give it more time. If I did decide to stay home, I would have to finish out this school year or risk having a very difficult time finding a job when I do decide to go back to work. I have a contract for the year that I need to honor.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Am I Ready for This?
I can't believe it's here already. I go back to work tomorrow, two days before Nate's 4 month birthday. I am excited to get back to a job that I love but incredibly sad that my daily time with Nate is going to be so much shorter. I'm afraid that I'm going to miss so much, that he won't be as happy, that he'll get sick all of the time, that he won't love me as much... The list is endless. I feel confident in the daycare that we are sending him to and am so happy that my Mom is going to watch him twice a week but this is still incredibly difficult. Everyone keeps telling me that it's going to be harder on me than on him. Today I'm skipping the monthly meeting of the Mommies and Daddies so that I can spend a quiet day at home with Nate.
Alright, enough of that. I'm sure I'll be crying plenty this week so I don't need to be doing it now.
I bought Nate a new set of socks that have an argyle design on them; one pair is black, white, and red. He took particular interest in those and was playing with his foot for quite some time the other day. I wonder if he'll be a toe sucking baby soon. I'll definitely need to get some video of that if he is.
On Thursday, my Mom came over to watch Nate so that I could get a facial (the first part of a Groupon that Dan got me for Mother's Day). She was sitting with him on the couch when I got back and all of a sudden Nate found his voice. He seemed startled, surprised, and interested by it with the first few sounds that he made. The look on his face was priceless and I wish I would have gotten it on video but I did record video of it as quickly as I could. It was so cute! He has been talking away ever since then. This morning we went to Trader Joe's and I was talking to the nice man at the register about his daughter. He said he is worried about when she starts bringing boys around "like you" (to Nate) and Nate let out an excited yelp. He hadn't made a peep the entire time we were there until then. It was pretty funny. He had been making sounds prior to this but these noises have much more to them.
He is sucking on his fists and fingers far more lately and I'll often hear him wake up at night, stick a finger in his mouth, and fall back to sleep. Despite the doctor recommending a pacifier over sucking his thumb, I'm glad he prefers his own hands for that reason. He's also started pulling my fingers (and everything else around him) into his mouth and biting down. I don't know if this is just a new thing in his development or if it's a sign that he's going to start teething soon. I really hope that he holds off on teething.
I can't believe it but this almost 4 month old baby is outgrowing his 6 month clothes! They still fit but won't for long. Yesterday I put him in a 6-9 month onesie and it was loose in the shoulders but the length was almost too short. He's going to be a very tall boy!
Friday is Nate's 4 month appointment so we'll get to find out just how big he is. He also has to get another round of shots, which makes me sad, but he handled them better than I did last time. Because of a communication error his appointment had to be rescheduled from last Friday, when I was off work, to this Friday morning, when I'm working. Fortunately I think the timing will work out okay. My conference period is from 9-10 am (second period) and his appointment is at 8:30 am. I have somebody covering the end of my first period so that I can get to the office around 8:45 am (the doctor is never on time) and I also have somebody covering SSR at the beginning of third period for me in case the appointment runs long. My Mom will be watching him that day which makes me feel much better about not being around after his shots.
It's funny, the lady who ran the formal meetings of my Mom's Group said something on the first day about babies not knowing that they are a separate being from their Mom until they are a certain age (I don't remember the age but I hope it's already passed). I'm feeling like I haven't quite figured out that Nate's a separate being from me.
Well, I'm going to sign off because he should be waking from his nap anytime now. Wish me luck for the upcoming week please!
Here's Nate finding his voice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4zWDGAkQZw
Alright, enough of that. I'm sure I'll be crying plenty this week so I don't need to be doing it now.
I bought Nate a new set of socks that have an argyle design on them; one pair is black, white, and red. He took particular interest in those and was playing with his foot for quite some time the other day. I wonder if he'll be a toe sucking baby soon. I'll definitely need to get some video of that if he is.
On Thursday, my Mom came over to watch Nate so that I could get a facial (the first part of a Groupon that Dan got me for Mother's Day). She was sitting with him on the couch when I got back and all of a sudden Nate found his voice. He seemed startled, surprised, and interested by it with the first few sounds that he made. The look on his face was priceless and I wish I would have gotten it on video but I did record video of it as quickly as I could. It was so cute! He has been talking away ever since then. This morning we went to Trader Joe's and I was talking to the nice man at the register about his daughter. He said he is worried about when she starts bringing boys around "like you" (to Nate) and Nate let out an excited yelp. He hadn't made a peep the entire time we were there until then. It was pretty funny. He had been making sounds prior to this but these noises have much more to them.
He is sucking on his fists and fingers far more lately and I'll often hear him wake up at night, stick a finger in his mouth, and fall back to sleep. Despite the doctor recommending a pacifier over sucking his thumb, I'm glad he prefers his own hands for that reason. He's also started pulling my fingers (and everything else around him) into his mouth and biting down. I don't know if this is just a new thing in his development or if it's a sign that he's going to start teething soon. I really hope that he holds off on teething.
I can't believe it but this almost 4 month old baby is outgrowing his 6 month clothes! They still fit but won't for long. Yesterday I put him in a 6-9 month onesie and it was loose in the shoulders but the length was almost too short. He's going to be a very tall boy!
Friday is Nate's 4 month appointment so we'll get to find out just how big he is. He also has to get another round of shots, which makes me sad, but he handled them better than I did last time. Because of a communication error his appointment had to be rescheduled from last Friday, when I was off work, to this Friday morning, when I'm working. Fortunately I think the timing will work out okay. My conference period is from 9-10 am (second period) and his appointment is at 8:30 am. I have somebody covering the end of my first period so that I can get to the office around 8:45 am (the doctor is never on time) and I also have somebody covering SSR at the beginning of third period for me in case the appointment runs long. My Mom will be watching him that day which makes me feel much better about not being around after his shots.
It's funny, the lady who ran the formal meetings of my Mom's Group said something on the first day about babies not knowing that they are a separate being from their Mom until they are a certain age (I don't remember the age but I hope it's already passed). I'm feeling like I haven't quite figured out that Nate's a separate being from me.
Well, I'm going to sign off because he should be waking from his nap anytime now. Wish me luck for the upcoming week please!
Here's Nate finding his voice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4zWDGAkQZw
Saturday, September 24, 2011
A Picture
Nate's been drooling so much that I decided to give him a bib today. The wetness on his clothes around his neck sometimes causes a rash. He decided to eat his bib!
Crib Update
I forgot to update on the crib situation last night. The first thing I thought when I logged on is that I'm really "Reaching and Grabbing" for post titles. Haha! Anyway, back to the crib. I slept upstairs with Nate for a full week and on the eighth day, Sunday, I slept on the couch. After he woke up for his first feeding and went back to sleep I couldn't get comfortable on the couch again so I went into our bedroom and have been there ever since. There were two nights though that Nate ended up in our bed around 1 am. We had 2-3 rough nights because of tummy trouble. He was gassier than usual and hadn't been pooping as much for a couple days, then all of a sudden he was back to normal.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Reaching and Grabbing
Nate has been reaching and grabbing for things quite a bit. He isn't grabbing at things so much that I feel like I have to move things out of his way but when he lays on his play mat he grabs the animals hanging overhead and pushes them around or into his mouth. He also grabs our shirts when we hold him or when I'm feeding him. The cutest thing is that he now rubs my side with his hand as he's eating and sometimes rubs my chest with his other hand, usually only at night though.
We had our first 9 hour stretch of sleep but it only happened once. In the last five weeks or so Nate's slept 8-9 hours about four or five times. I'm looking forward to when this will become more consistent. Unfortunately my body didn't cooperate the two times Nate slept longer than usual this week. I woke up around his "usual" time, 1:50 am, and couldn't fall back to sleep. I've also been having a difficult time getting back to sleep once Nate wakes and goes back to sleep. This had been happening off and on before he was in his crib but it's worse now that I'm going upstairs to feed him. I sure hope that this doesn't happen when I go back to work but I have a feeling the first few nights will actually be worse because my mind will be racing.
I have been relishing the mornings lately, knowing that I won't be able to enjoy them as much in about a week. I haven't quite figured out how mornings are going to work when I'm back at work. I think that I will feel most comfortable dropping Nate off at daycare on the first few days so that I can see him in the environment. I also don't want his first feeding of the day to be a bottle, at least until he gets more comfortable with the bottle. So the question is, do I wake him up so that I can feed him and drop him off? When things are "normal", he goes to bed around 7:30-7:40 pm, wakes around 1:50 am and then again at 6 or 6:30 am, and then sometimes goes back to sleep for a few hours. This would actually be a pretty perfect schedule because I'll need to leave around 7 or 7:15 am. I guess I'm just going to have to play it by ear and decide depending on what happens each night and morning.
We had our first 9 hour stretch of sleep but it only happened once. In the last five weeks or so Nate's slept 8-9 hours about four or five times. I'm looking forward to when this will become more consistent. Unfortunately my body didn't cooperate the two times Nate slept longer than usual this week. I woke up around his "usual" time, 1:50 am, and couldn't fall back to sleep. I've also been having a difficult time getting back to sleep once Nate wakes and goes back to sleep. This had been happening off and on before he was in his crib but it's worse now that I'm going upstairs to feed him. I sure hope that this doesn't happen when I go back to work but I have a feeling the first few nights will actually be worse because my mind will be racing.
I have been relishing the mornings lately, knowing that I won't be able to enjoy them as much in about a week. I haven't quite figured out how mornings are going to work when I'm back at work. I think that I will feel most comfortable dropping Nate off at daycare on the first few days so that I can see him in the environment. I also don't want his first feeding of the day to be a bottle, at least until he gets more comfortable with the bottle. So the question is, do I wake him up so that I can feed him and drop him off? When things are "normal", he goes to bed around 7:30-7:40 pm, wakes around 1:50 am and then again at 6 or 6:30 am, and then sometimes goes back to sleep for a few hours. This would actually be a pretty perfect schedule because I'll need to leave around 7 or 7:15 am. I guess I'm just going to have to play it by ear and decide depending on what happens each night and morning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)