Oh man, it's been an emotionally tough week. I went back to work on Monday. I was surprised to feel okay about dropping Nate off at daycare and was reminded how much I love my job throughout the day. When I picked him up and he didn't seem excited to see me, I was a little bit sad. When he wouldn't look at me for the rest of the day, I was more than a little bit sad. When he smiled immediately upon seeing Dan and made eye contact with him, I wanted to quit my job and become a stay at home Mom. I'm finding myself rushing out of work to spend time with Nate before he falls asleep at 7 pm, which makes me feel like I'm not only not being a great Mom but I'm also not being a great teacher. I came up with a new 5-7 year plan on Monday or Tuesday. We sell our house, rent a larger place for less (because I know we can based on what friends are doing), I quit my job and raise babies, and then I get back into teaching when they're in school and we buy again.
Things were definitely easier when I was leaving Nate with Dan knowing that my Mom was on the way to watch him instead of dropping him off at daycare. Dan and Nate got to spend some quality one-on-one time together for an hour or so and I knew Nate was getting great attention throughout the day. I feel comfortable with the daycare that we chose but I will always have doubts; it's just the way I am. Nate loves Leanna, the primary caregiver, and if anything, they are actually holding him too much. I was worried that he would be left in his pack n play to cry while other kids were attended to but every time I've been there they've been holding him and on Tuesday Leanna said that they figured out he likes to be walked around. My Mom said it seems like he wanted to be held more than usual on Thursday and Friday. I'm hoping it's just an adjustment period; I had gotten him to be a little more independent, playing on his playmat or in his swing for 30-45 minutes at a time. It's difficult to tell if he's wanting to be held more at home because he got his 4 month shots yesterday and had a temperature last night and today. He was fussier than usual and I was willing to hold him more than usual because of the circumstances.
Yesterday when we put him to bed his temperature was 99.5; today it got up to 101. I was surprised to find out that babies don't need to be seen until their temperature goes up to 105! (I called the nurse line twice.) He was only slightly fussy and mostly slept more during the day today and yesterday. He slept a bit less than what has become usual last night so I'm expecting the same tonight. I should probably get to bed soon!
This afternoon Nate fell asleep while eating so I took the opportunity to have him nap on my chest. I slinked my way down to a slightly reclined position, like I used to do all of the time when he was a baby (I always say that, referring to when he was newborn). For a while now he hasn't liked sleeping on my chest with me in the reclined position but he slept like that today for 2 hours. I was able to take a nap with him sleeping on my chest, like the good ole days. It's amazing to me that my little baby cakes is only 4 months old and there are already things that I miss doing with him! It was so nice to spend that time snuggling with him, especially after my first week back at work.
Right now I feel torn between a job that I love and spending time with my baby that I will never get back. I lean towards leading a simpler life and spending the time with him but know that I need to give it more time. If I did decide to stay home, I would have to finish out this school year or risk having a very difficult time finding a job when I do decide to go back to work. I have a contract for the year that I need to honor.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Am I Ready for This?
I can't believe it's here already. I go back to work tomorrow, two days before Nate's 4 month birthday. I am excited to get back to a job that I love but incredibly sad that my daily time with Nate is going to be so much shorter. I'm afraid that I'm going to miss so much, that he won't be as happy, that he'll get sick all of the time, that he won't love me as much... The list is endless. I feel confident in the daycare that we are sending him to and am so happy that my Mom is going to watch him twice a week but this is still incredibly difficult. Everyone keeps telling me that it's going to be harder on me than on him. Today I'm skipping the monthly meeting of the Mommies and Daddies so that I can spend a quiet day at home with Nate.
Alright, enough of that. I'm sure I'll be crying plenty this week so I don't need to be doing it now.
I bought Nate a new set of socks that have an argyle design on them; one pair is black, white, and red. He took particular interest in those and was playing with his foot for quite some time the other day. I wonder if he'll be a toe sucking baby soon. I'll definitely need to get some video of that if he is.
On Thursday, my Mom came over to watch Nate so that I could get a facial (the first part of a Groupon that Dan got me for Mother's Day). She was sitting with him on the couch when I got back and all of a sudden Nate found his voice. He seemed startled, surprised, and interested by it with the first few sounds that he made. The look on his face was priceless and I wish I would have gotten it on video but I did record video of it as quickly as I could. It was so cute! He has been talking away ever since then. This morning we went to Trader Joe's and I was talking to the nice man at the register about his daughter. He said he is worried about when she starts bringing boys around "like you" (to Nate) and Nate let out an excited yelp. He hadn't made a peep the entire time we were there until then. It was pretty funny. He had been making sounds prior to this but these noises have much more to them.
He is sucking on his fists and fingers far more lately and I'll often hear him wake up at night, stick a finger in his mouth, and fall back to sleep. Despite the doctor recommending a pacifier over sucking his thumb, I'm glad he prefers his own hands for that reason. He's also started pulling my fingers (and everything else around him) into his mouth and biting down. I don't know if this is just a new thing in his development or if it's a sign that he's going to start teething soon. I really hope that he holds off on teething.
I can't believe it but this almost 4 month old baby is outgrowing his 6 month clothes! They still fit but won't for long. Yesterday I put him in a 6-9 month onesie and it was loose in the shoulders but the length was almost too short. He's going to be a very tall boy!
Friday is Nate's 4 month appointment so we'll get to find out just how big he is. He also has to get another round of shots, which makes me sad, but he handled them better than I did last time. Because of a communication error his appointment had to be rescheduled from last Friday, when I was off work, to this Friday morning, when I'm working. Fortunately I think the timing will work out okay. My conference period is from 9-10 am (second period) and his appointment is at 8:30 am. I have somebody covering the end of my first period so that I can get to the office around 8:45 am (the doctor is never on time) and I also have somebody covering SSR at the beginning of third period for me in case the appointment runs long. My Mom will be watching him that day which makes me feel much better about not being around after his shots.
It's funny, the lady who ran the formal meetings of my Mom's Group said something on the first day about babies not knowing that they are a separate being from their Mom until they are a certain age (I don't remember the age but I hope it's already passed). I'm feeling like I haven't quite figured out that Nate's a separate being from me.
Well, I'm going to sign off because he should be waking from his nap anytime now. Wish me luck for the upcoming week please!
Here's Nate finding his voice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4zWDGAkQZw
Alright, enough of that. I'm sure I'll be crying plenty this week so I don't need to be doing it now.
I bought Nate a new set of socks that have an argyle design on them; one pair is black, white, and red. He took particular interest in those and was playing with his foot for quite some time the other day. I wonder if he'll be a toe sucking baby soon. I'll definitely need to get some video of that if he is.
On Thursday, my Mom came over to watch Nate so that I could get a facial (the first part of a Groupon that Dan got me for Mother's Day). She was sitting with him on the couch when I got back and all of a sudden Nate found his voice. He seemed startled, surprised, and interested by it with the first few sounds that he made. The look on his face was priceless and I wish I would have gotten it on video but I did record video of it as quickly as I could. It was so cute! He has been talking away ever since then. This morning we went to Trader Joe's and I was talking to the nice man at the register about his daughter. He said he is worried about when she starts bringing boys around "like you" (to Nate) and Nate let out an excited yelp. He hadn't made a peep the entire time we were there until then. It was pretty funny. He had been making sounds prior to this but these noises have much more to them.
He is sucking on his fists and fingers far more lately and I'll often hear him wake up at night, stick a finger in his mouth, and fall back to sleep. Despite the doctor recommending a pacifier over sucking his thumb, I'm glad he prefers his own hands for that reason. He's also started pulling my fingers (and everything else around him) into his mouth and biting down. I don't know if this is just a new thing in his development or if it's a sign that he's going to start teething soon. I really hope that he holds off on teething.
I can't believe it but this almost 4 month old baby is outgrowing his 6 month clothes! They still fit but won't for long. Yesterday I put him in a 6-9 month onesie and it was loose in the shoulders but the length was almost too short. He's going to be a very tall boy!
Friday is Nate's 4 month appointment so we'll get to find out just how big he is. He also has to get another round of shots, which makes me sad, but he handled them better than I did last time. Because of a communication error his appointment had to be rescheduled from last Friday, when I was off work, to this Friday morning, when I'm working. Fortunately I think the timing will work out okay. My conference period is from 9-10 am (second period) and his appointment is at 8:30 am. I have somebody covering the end of my first period so that I can get to the office around 8:45 am (the doctor is never on time) and I also have somebody covering SSR at the beginning of third period for me in case the appointment runs long. My Mom will be watching him that day which makes me feel much better about not being around after his shots.
It's funny, the lady who ran the formal meetings of my Mom's Group said something on the first day about babies not knowing that they are a separate being from their Mom until they are a certain age (I don't remember the age but I hope it's already passed). I'm feeling like I haven't quite figured out that Nate's a separate being from me.
Well, I'm going to sign off because he should be waking from his nap anytime now. Wish me luck for the upcoming week please!
Here's Nate finding his voice:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4zWDGAkQZw
Saturday, September 24, 2011
A Picture
Nate's been drooling so much that I decided to give him a bib today. The wetness on his clothes around his neck sometimes causes a rash. He decided to eat his bib!
Crib Update
I forgot to update on the crib situation last night. The first thing I thought when I logged on is that I'm really "Reaching and Grabbing" for post titles. Haha! Anyway, back to the crib. I slept upstairs with Nate for a full week and on the eighth day, Sunday, I slept on the couch. After he woke up for his first feeding and went back to sleep I couldn't get comfortable on the couch again so I went into our bedroom and have been there ever since. There were two nights though that Nate ended up in our bed around 1 am. We had 2-3 rough nights because of tummy trouble. He was gassier than usual and hadn't been pooping as much for a couple days, then all of a sudden he was back to normal.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Reaching and Grabbing
Nate has been reaching and grabbing for things quite a bit. He isn't grabbing at things so much that I feel like I have to move things out of his way but when he lays on his play mat he grabs the animals hanging overhead and pushes them around or into his mouth. He also grabs our shirts when we hold him or when I'm feeding him. The cutest thing is that he now rubs my side with his hand as he's eating and sometimes rubs my chest with his other hand, usually only at night though.
We had our first 9 hour stretch of sleep but it only happened once. In the last five weeks or so Nate's slept 8-9 hours about four or five times. I'm looking forward to when this will become more consistent. Unfortunately my body didn't cooperate the two times Nate slept longer than usual this week. I woke up around his "usual" time, 1:50 am, and couldn't fall back to sleep. I've also been having a difficult time getting back to sleep once Nate wakes and goes back to sleep. This had been happening off and on before he was in his crib but it's worse now that I'm going upstairs to feed him. I sure hope that this doesn't happen when I go back to work but I have a feeling the first few nights will actually be worse because my mind will be racing.
I have been relishing the mornings lately, knowing that I won't be able to enjoy them as much in about a week. I haven't quite figured out how mornings are going to work when I'm back at work. I think that I will feel most comfortable dropping Nate off at daycare on the first few days so that I can see him in the environment. I also don't want his first feeding of the day to be a bottle, at least until he gets more comfortable with the bottle. So the question is, do I wake him up so that I can feed him and drop him off? When things are "normal", he goes to bed around 7:30-7:40 pm, wakes around 1:50 am and then again at 6 or 6:30 am, and then sometimes goes back to sleep for a few hours. This would actually be a pretty perfect schedule because I'll need to leave around 7 or 7:15 am. I guess I'm just going to have to play it by ear and decide depending on what happens each night and morning.
We had our first 9 hour stretch of sleep but it only happened once. In the last five weeks or so Nate's slept 8-9 hours about four or five times. I'm looking forward to when this will become more consistent. Unfortunately my body didn't cooperate the two times Nate slept longer than usual this week. I woke up around his "usual" time, 1:50 am, and couldn't fall back to sleep. I've also been having a difficult time getting back to sleep once Nate wakes and goes back to sleep. This had been happening off and on before he was in his crib but it's worse now that I'm going upstairs to feed him. I sure hope that this doesn't happen when I go back to work but I have a feeling the first few nights will actually be worse because my mind will be racing.
I have been relishing the mornings lately, knowing that I won't be able to enjoy them as much in about a week. I haven't quite figured out how mornings are going to work when I'm back at work. I think that I will feel most comfortable dropping Nate off at daycare on the first few days so that I can see him in the environment. I also don't want his first feeding of the day to be a bottle, at least until he gets more comfortable with the bottle. So the question is, do I wake him up so that I can feed him and drop him off? When things are "normal", he goes to bed around 7:30-7:40 pm, wakes around 1:50 am and then again at 6 or 6:30 am, and then sometimes goes back to sleep for a few hours. This would actually be a pretty perfect schedule because I'll need to leave around 7 or 7:15 am. I guess I'm just going to have to play it by ear and decide depending on what happens each night and morning.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Sleeping Upstairs
Nate and I have still been sleeping upstairs. Tuesday, the third night, was the worst. Nate woke up earlier than usual and only stayed asleep for 2 hours. Then he was up from 5:30-7:15 am. Finally after trying everything else, I sat in the rocking chair with him and he fell asleep. The fourth night, Wednesday, was the best. Nate slept 8 hours and 5 minutes; this is the third time he's slept 8 hours but it had been several weeks since the last time. He did well last night (not 8 hours, but still did well) so hopefully this means he's adjusted to his new environment. I'll probably stay up there another night or two and then sleep on the couch one or two nights before I move back into our room. I want to feel out how it's going to be getting further and further away slowly. Also, I actually sleep pretty well upstairs because I don't have Dan's fidgeting keeping me up in addition to waking up for Nate.
We got our first real giggles yesterday. He's been doing a mini giggle, kind of just a "Huh" with a huge smile, but yesterday we got three real giggles. I can't wait until the giggles turn into laughs and squeals!
I'm trying to relish every last second that I can. Today I realized that I'm only going to get about 3 hours a day with Nate during the week, which is kind of depressing to think about. Also, I might have to miss his 4 month appointment. We had scheduled it for 9/30 so that it happened before I go back to work but I called to change it a day earlier so that he doesn't get his shots the last day I get to spend with him. The receptionist said we actually had to move it back because it needs to happen when he's 4 months or later. So now it's scheduled for 10/5 at 8:30 am. My prep period is from 9-10 am so I think I will go to part of the appointment. The doctor is always late anyway so hopefully I'll be there when she's examining him. I'm super apprehensive about him being in daycare after getting shots. Actually, I think I'm going to call and take the Friday morning appointment that was offered if they still have it so that Nate is with my Mom afterward.
I am really tired because Nate took a little longer than usual to go back to sleep at 2 am and was up three hours earlier than usual this morning so I'm going to sign off for now. I'll try to get back on this weekend and write a little more.
Oh, one quick note - I'm no longer proofreading before I post and haven't been for a while. I hope it's not too obvious!
We got our first real giggles yesterday. He's been doing a mini giggle, kind of just a "Huh" with a huge smile, but yesterday we got three real giggles. I can't wait until the giggles turn into laughs and squeals!
I'm trying to relish every last second that I can. Today I realized that I'm only going to get about 3 hours a day with Nate during the week, which is kind of depressing to think about. Also, I might have to miss his 4 month appointment. We had scheduled it for 9/30 so that it happened before I go back to work but I called to change it a day earlier so that he doesn't get his shots the last day I get to spend with him. The receptionist said we actually had to move it back because it needs to happen when he's 4 months or later. So now it's scheduled for 10/5 at 8:30 am. My prep period is from 9-10 am so I think I will go to part of the appointment. The doctor is always late anyway so hopefully I'll be there when she's examining him. I'm super apprehensive about him being in daycare after getting shots. Actually, I think I'm going to call and take the Friday morning appointment that was offered if they still have it so that Nate is with my Mom afterward.
I am really tired because Nate took a little longer than usual to go back to sleep at 2 am and was up three hours earlier than usual this morning so I'm going to sign off for now. I'll try to get back on this weekend and write a little more.
Oh, one quick note - I'm no longer proofreading before I post and haven't been for a while. I hope it's not too obvious!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
I Didn't Forget
I swear. I didn't forget to blog on Friday. We were without an internet connection from Friday morning until yesterday. Dan got a new TV for the living room and we moved the old living room TV to the bedroom along with a new DVR box. The man from DirecTV disconnected our internet connection when he installed the new box and the rest is a long story.
So, the boy... Nate's completely out of his swaddle and I actually don't know what to put him to bed in. There have been a couple times that I've put him down in just his diaper because it was so hot. I put him down in footy pjs once and don't expect to do that again until he's sleeping through the night. Changing his diaper and getting the snaps all done up was ridiculous! For the last several nights I've put him down in the pjs that are open at the bottom with elastic to help keep his legs inside and those seem to work best even though it looks like I'm putting him in a dress. Of course I figured this all out after buying and washing several pairs of pjs.
Nate is starting to grab at things and particularly likes Al E Gator, this adorable courduroy alligator stuffed animal that we got as a gift and I wish I knew who gave it to us. He likes sucking on Al's foot and tail and he wrestles him sometimes. It's quite cute. Oh, and I know you're thinking "Wow Shannon, you are so creative in naming him."
Nate and I have slept in his room two nights now, Nate in his crib and me in the bed up there. He woke up at his usual time to eat, right around 1:50 am, and both nights I was awoken by crying (screaming the first night) right around 4 am. Nate doesn't cry so it scared me quite a bit. The first night he had his leg stuck between the slats of the crib. Of course, I don't have the padded bumpers because of the SIDS risk and I read in several places that bumpers are unnecessary. Well, I went out that day (yesterday) and bought breathable bumpers. Last night I heard a little thud right before the crying. I think that he bonked his arm on the railing. He moves around so much when he's in the crib and never moved when he was in the pack n play. When I lay him with his head on the right side of the crib, he rotates himself so that his body is lying the short way and his legs hit the railing; he's started lifting both legs and pounding them down on the mattress (he's been doing that for several days, even in his pack n play). The one time that I laid him down with his head on the left, he scootched towards the middle of the crib and close to the railing, which is why he bonked his arm. I'm hoping that he gets used to the crib and this stops happening! Poor kiddo!!! By the way, thanks to Mom for sewing the blackout curtains and Dan W for hanging them. They are installing the stained glass windows over the next two weekends and then I will post pictures of Nate's room.
This deserves it's own paragraph: yesterday Nate put himself to sleep. Usually he falls asleep while eating after his bath or Dan rocks him to sleep. Last night, he fell asleep while eating but woke up when I put him in his crib. He wasn't fussing so I let him lay there and he just sucked his fist until he fell asleep. I'm not holding my breath for that to happen again consistently but I'm excited that it has happened once. I'm still waiting for that 8 hour stretch of sleep that he teased us with a couple times but it has alluded me for a couple weeks.
I have been doing the grading for my substitute so that I'll have a better idea of how the students are doing when I go back. I've been able to do the grading at night when Nate's asleep or during the day when he entertains himself on his playmat or in his swing. I'm hoping that when I go back, I'll be able to do the bulk of the grading during my prep period and at lunch. I've been thinking more and more about going back and know that the next 2.5 weeks are going to go by so quickly. I'm sad but excited at the same time. Being on campus to pick up the quizzes to grade has reminded me how much I love my job but I'm going to miss Nate soooo much!
So, the boy... Nate's completely out of his swaddle and I actually don't know what to put him to bed in. There have been a couple times that I've put him down in just his diaper because it was so hot. I put him down in footy pjs once and don't expect to do that again until he's sleeping through the night. Changing his diaper and getting the snaps all done up was ridiculous! For the last several nights I've put him down in the pjs that are open at the bottom with elastic to help keep his legs inside and those seem to work best even though it looks like I'm putting him in a dress. Of course I figured this all out after buying and washing several pairs of pjs.
Nate is starting to grab at things and particularly likes Al E Gator, this adorable courduroy alligator stuffed animal that we got as a gift and I wish I knew who gave it to us. He likes sucking on Al's foot and tail and he wrestles him sometimes. It's quite cute. Oh, and I know you're thinking "Wow Shannon, you are so creative in naming him."
Nate and I have slept in his room two nights now, Nate in his crib and me in the bed up there. He woke up at his usual time to eat, right around 1:50 am, and both nights I was awoken by crying (screaming the first night) right around 4 am. Nate doesn't cry so it scared me quite a bit. The first night he had his leg stuck between the slats of the crib. Of course, I don't have the padded bumpers because of the SIDS risk and I read in several places that bumpers are unnecessary. Well, I went out that day (yesterday) and bought breathable bumpers. Last night I heard a little thud right before the crying. I think that he bonked his arm on the railing. He moves around so much when he's in the crib and never moved when he was in the pack n play. When I lay him with his head on the right side of the crib, he rotates himself so that his body is lying the short way and his legs hit the railing; he's started lifting both legs and pounding them down on the mattress (he's been doing that for several days, even in his pack n play). The one time that I laid him down with his head on the left, he scootched towards the middle of the crib and close to the railing, which is why he bonked his arm. I'm hoping that he gets used to the crib and this stops happening! Poor kiddo!!! By the way, thanks to Mom for sewing the blackout curtains and Dan W for hanging them. They are installing the stained glass windows over the next two weekends and then I will post pictures of Nate's room.
This deserves it's own paragraph: yesterday Nate put himself to sleep. Usually he falls asleep while eating after his bath or Dan rocks him to sleep. Last night, he fell asleep while eating but woke up when I put him in his crib. He wasn't fussing so I let him lay there and he just sucked his fist until he fell asleep. I'm not holding my breath for that to happen again consistently but I'm excited that it has happened once. I'm still waiting for that 8 hour stretch of sleep that he teased us with a couple times but it has alluded me for a couple weeks.
I have been doing the grading for my substitute so that I'll have a better idea of how the students are doing when I go back. I've been able to do the grading at night when Nate's asleep or during the day when he entertains himself on his playmat or in his swing. I'm hoping that when I go back, I'll be able to do the bulk of the grading during my prep period and at lunch. I've been thinking more and more about going back and know that the next 2.5 weeks are going to go by so quickly. I'm sad but excited at the same time. Being on campus to pick up the quizzes to grade has reminded me how much I love my job but I'm going to miss Nate soooo much!
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